And more to the point…

Do you ever wonder what it actually takes for a man to be and want all these things with you?

Do you feel like you understand and know what a man really wants from a lasting long-term relationship?

Or… have you found that men always seem to find a way to mess things up or break your relationship apart – even when things are going great?

Well, what if it’s possible that there’s something you’re just not seeing or getting about men?

Or is it really true that most men are the ones who just don’t get it and are incapable of being in loving and lasting relationships?

Good questions… but here’s the thing -

If you know WHAT WORKS with men…

And you get WHAT MEN WANT…

Then the truth is that you’re free from all the wondering and worry.

It’s time you knew, don’t you think?

Do you know what it means when your boyfriend gets quiet, “zones out” and acts like he doesn’t want to talk to you?

One minute everything feels great and you’re laughing and connecting and the next minute some weird “mood” comes over him and he goes off into his own little world.

Or maybe your relationship is chugging along at full speed, getting closer and closer, and suddenly you feel like YOU are the only one
reaching out and connecting…and he is just sitting there?

What’s up with that?

Why do men do this?

If this has ever happened to you, I want you to know that it’s critical for you to know WHY – and what to do about it (and what to AVOID doing at all costs).

PAY ATTENTION, because this is important:

How you react in a situation like this can mean the difference between him KNOWING the one woman who can make him happy… or feeling unsure about the future of your relationship.

Find out what’s going on by going to this link right now:

Inside the Mind of a Man

Now I’d like to share a question I recently received from a reader about a situation just like this.

***QUESTION FROM A READER:***

“Dear Christian,

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost one year and we are very serious about each other. We are even talking about marriage and we have already moved in together.

So what’s the problem you ask?

Even after all this time, I still find myself trying to figure out what he’s thinking sometimes.

Sometimes he’s a mystery to me, why he does and says some of the things he does, and this scares me a lot and makes me crazy since we are so serious about each other.

For example, sometimes he just gets quiet and won’t talk to me. And it doesn’t have to be anything going wrong like a fight or anything for this to happen.

He says that he needs his alone time, but I sense that it’s because of something I have done that makes him shut down. I’d really like to fix it if I could. I wish I knew how to read these things better or if I even should be reading anything into it at all. Can you help?

–M.”

***MY RESPONSE:***

I can definitely help.

First of all, I have some good news for you.

You can relax.

From what I’m hearing about your situation, there is nothing abnormal or wrong with what is happening between you and your boyfriend.

The fact that he’s telling you he needs “alone time” doesn’t have ANYTHING to do with how he feels about you and your “serious” relationship.

It has EVERYTHING to do with how a man approaches relationships, his own “down time” and the “up time” when he is with you.

Many women believe that when a man acts “disengaged” it is because he’s not happy, or he’s unsatisfied, or he doesn’t want to be with you and wants to be with someone else.

NOT SO!

As a matter of fact, thinking that there’s something wrong with the relationship when a man gets quiet is one of what I call the “Man Myths” that a lot of women believe about men.

The way your boyfriend is behaving is TYPICAL and to be expected of a man in a relationship. It doesn’t mean something is WRONG…for example:

Has your guy ever done this?

– Made plans to spend a night alone with “the guys” after several intense and romantic days with you

– Go and “zone out” in front of the T.V. or computer after dinner or after a long conversation with you, and acts irritated when you try to interrupt him

– Spend huge chunks of time on weekends tinkering around the garage or working on his hobby and not engaged or interested in spending time with you

I’d bet that he’s done this more than once… and when he does, what do YOU think about what’s going through his mind?

Do you start wondering if he’s angry about something you did or said, or is somehow DISAPPROVING of you in some way?

Do you wonder if he cares LESS about you in that moment, or is questioning your relationship?

Do you start to talk yourself into feeling, “ok, well he’s into his own thing, so I’m going to go off and be into mine.”

Or do you think, “well I need to fill my time with other interests since he is OBVIOUSLY not interested in spending his precious time with me.”

If you find yourself thinking any of these things, chances are pretty good that you’re reacting to him in a way that sends a very negative message – a message that is GUARANTEED to send him packing or push him away from you.

That’s because you’re reacting to a MYTH that you heard somewhere about men – that men really don’t care about spending quality, intimate time with women.

OK, I’m a man and I am going to say that again – and in all caps (because I can)!

MEN DO CARE ABOUT SPENDING QUALITY, INTIMATE TIME WITH WOMEN.

What’s worse, though, is that by believing the myth that men need alone time BECAUSE they don’t care about you, or would rather NOT talk because they’re disapproving of you in any way is probably causing you to behave in a way that is DESTRUCTIVE to your relationship.

Let me explain.

You wrote in your email that you feel scared and a little bit crazy when your boyfriend behaves in a way that is a mystery to you.

What if I were to tell you that men have a completely different way of UNPLUGGING and decompressing than women do…and that for a man, to spend time alone WITHOUT TALKING or having a “deep” conversation is his way of relaxing and getting back some of his mental energy.

And yet you INTERPRET it as meaning that he isn’t engaged with you in some way.

The thing is, if you’re punishing him in some way for doing things that are actually normal and NATURAL for him as a man, such as needing alone time or time to zone out and decompress, then what you’re actually communicating to him is that you don’t understand who he is.

And if your man doesn’t think that you understand him, then OF COURSE he will disengage!

You just want him to be exactly like you.

But that’s not what you REALLY want, is it?

While it’s true that there are fundamental differences in men and women, such as the way they decompress and re-energize, it’s also true that they have much more in COMMON than you think.

Most women I talk with don’t realize that men and women aren’t really that different.

Look at the list below. Do these sound like myths to you? Actually, they are TRUTHS about men and how they feel about relationships.

Men may not ADMIT this readily, but for most men, when they decide that a woman is TRULY the woman for them, it is because she has met these criteria – maybe not all, but definitely most.

> She makes him feel cherished

> She makes him feel her desire for him, so he never feels unattractive, insignificant or unimportant

> He feels SAFE and secure in the relationship

> She makes him spontaneous and FUN in a way he hasn’t felt like since his youth…and feeling things that can’t be planned in a relationship, just like you

I’ve produced a unique program that answers all those burning questions you have about what your boyfriend is thinking and feeling when he does something that feels like a mystery to you.

My new Inside the Mind of a Man program is YOUR roadmap to how a real man thinks and behaves, so you never again have to feel worried or scared about something he said… or didn’t say.

This all-new material will help you discover, without a doubt, what his level of maturity is… to what he thinks of sleeping with other women… to what it takes for him to know he wants to commit to you forever.

You can read about this amazing program right here:

Inside the Mind of a Man

When I filmed this program live in Los Angeles, I have to admit that at first I wasn’t sure how the women in the audience would take it.

Some of the insights I revealed about men are a little bit racy, a little bit TOO honest. And frankly…I was a little uncomfortable with where the discussion was going!

But the reaction from the women of all ages in the audience was overwhelming.

I could see a wave of change taking place with the women in the audience – women who were desperate to gain some insight into their guys’ minds – and they suddenly started to grasp how a guy’s mind works. How they could approach men with a new outlook… even if they had been hesitant and apprehensive with men before.

But don’t take my word for it. Here’s some feedback I received from a woman who attended the program.

This amazing women was kind enough to share her thoughts right after the taping was finished:

“The `Inside The Mind of a Man’ program taught me that a man wants to free to be himself and be your hero, NOT free from you, which is a misconception many women have.

The most important thing I learned is that men are more bothered by stress and confrontation than women. They often see our desire to talk as conflict, thus men are more passive and we think they are not listening. I learned that criticism of your man definitely does not work. Liberal praise and reward is the only way to success with a man. It’s a Pavlov’s Dog thing.

- N.K. Los Angeles, CA”

LOL! “Pavlov’s Dog thing.” Nice.

This program is literally for ANY woman who wants to have a relationship with a man – the kind of relationship that has depth and will stand the test of time.

My Inside the Mind of a Man program is going to show you exactly how to start sharing the kind of relationship you deserve with a man, because you’ll have a deep level of understanding about him.

You’ll discover how to keep your relationship passionate and AFFAIR-FREE, how to talk to him about how you’re feeling so he’ll listen and care, and you’ll learn what stage of maturity your man is in so you’ll “get” why he acts a certain way (and what it means to your relationship for the long-term.)

It’s all right here:

Inside the Mind of a Man

And if you’ve never ordered a program from me before, there’s something I need to tell you.

Just like any of my programs, my “Inside The Mind Of A Man” is completely no-risk for you to order and try before you pay a dime.

That’s right, you can review your copy for a full 30 days before deciding if it’s the right program for you.

But I can’t imagine why it wouldn’t be. You’re in a great relationship and you don’t want to spend your entire life feeling constantly feeling scared and confused about your man, right?

That’s why you NEED this program.

I know you’re going to love the insights and tips you’ll get from my “Inside The Mind Of A Man” program.

Here’s the link where you can order your own copy:

Inside the Mind of a Man

Good luck and I’ll talk to you again soon!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

P.S. My “Inside The Mind Of A Man” program is the program I’ve finally created for you that reveals the real secrets about what men think and feel when it comes to dating, sex, and relationships.

This program will show you:

> The 7 Things that men REALLY WANT from women

> Why men cheat, even when they say they’re in love with you

> How one of the most common myths women believe about men can actually be preventing you from EXPRESSING your needs and desires to a man; learn the FACTS and experience a complete shift in your perceptions and feel EMPOWERED instantly

> The 8 Attraction Killers that will make him think twice about being with you in the future

> And much more…

Go here now to find out all this and more:

Inside the Mind of a Man

Well, recently I received an email from a woman who shared her story about this.

I think you’ll feel for her and relate to the struggle that she’s facing.

That’s why I’ve devoted today’s newsletter to teaching you:

-why men can grow more distant the more you try to get closer to them

-the mistakes most women make when trying to bring men closer

-what REALLY works in creating a lasting and committed relationship with a man, and what doesn’t

-how a man becomes truly committed to a woman on a physical AND emotional level

So here we go…

***QUESTION FROM A READER***

I recently met guy and we started dating. From our first date he was very forward with me (kissing, touching, etc) and I was the reserved one until the third date or so ( I hadn’t had that much experience with men).

After a few weeks when he realized I started having “feelings” for him he decided that he wasn’t the right one for me. He said he has never been in love with anyone before and it is better to break up with me now than in six months time. Is he scared of getting hurt again? (his previous relationship ended after six months and she broke it off about this time last year)

It came out of the blue for me as he seemed very attracted to me physically and that we had a lot in common. I put it down to him being under a lot of pressure due to his personal circumstances (he even admitted that). We talked it over and said he liked me and felt attracted to me but it was up to me to decide what I wanted to do about it.

As we met to discuss the situation it was like we never discussed not to continue the relationship as he was very physical again. I didn’t stop him as I was very attracted to him but drew the line at sex at that time. After a few more weeks have passed things seemed to have be fine again but we have since broken up and he has decided that we should be friends. I told him I don’t know how to be friends with an ex as I have never gone through this situation. Why did he suggest this? Does he still want to be involved in my life?

He said there isn’t anyone else in his life and I believe him as he doesn’t have the opportunity to meet women. We have seen each other as friends twice since the decision was made and we got very close physically especially the second time. I realize this was a mistake you don’t need to tell me that.

I asked him about his reasons for stopping the relationship but he said it is a mix of things on his side and mine and not to discuss it again. I am not saying I want him back as I don’t want to convince someone to be with me. I just don’t understand his reasoning behind staying friends. I think we were together because we were both lonely at the time and connected through some very similar circumstances. Should I let this go or give him time? I can’t wait forever.

I am very confused about my feelings. Thanks for reading my e-mail.”

***MY COMMENTS***

Ouch.

I know your situation is endlessly frustrating and seems impossible to understand… as I’ve seen TONS of women go through or tell me about a very similar experience with a man.

Why is it that men will act distant with you to the point where a break up happens… only to come back and act affectionate for a little while, and THEN go back to being distant and uncertain?

After he pursues you physically and you start getting comfortable and open up your feelings again, he starts back-pedaling.

And he tells you things like, “you are putting too much pressure on me”.

“Let’s just be friends.”

“Things are moving too fast.”

Or he doesn’t say anything at all. He just calls less, or stops calling altogether.

And when you try to talk about it, he reacts like you’re laying some guilt trip or some heavy burden on him… and he backs off even further.

What’s happening here? Why do so many men do this?

To explain why this is with men, let me ask you a question…

When you are feeling upset about something, do you call up close girlfriends to talk it over and work out the best thing to do?

If you’re like most women, you often do this.

Now ask yourself…

How many MEN do you know call up their close guy friends to share their feelings and get advice for what’s going on in their life and relationships?

Not many.

It’s just not part of the way they deal with emotions and relationships in their lives.

Most men spend less time “analyzing” all the specifics in their relationships… and they generally have a more personal and internal way of dealing with or “processing” their feelings. (Yes, men do have feelings after all.)

But in case you haven’t noticed, men don’t feel better or clearer after “analyzing” a situation the way women do.

In fact, oftentimes, doing so can actually make a man feel “drained” instead.

I think deep down somewhere you recognize this. Part of you knows men are different in this way. But another part of you fears or resents this because it can make a man seem “unengaged” or shut off from his feelings.

And that can spell BAD NEWS for women in relationships where they feel UNCERTAIN.

Here’s my point…

Considering all this about how men and women can be different, how do you think a man is going to react when a woman isn’t happy with the way a relationship is going and wants to talk or analyze why he’s not “feeling it” for her?

He’ll probably respond negatively, get irritated, or just shut down altogether.

Arggggh! Frustrating, right?

Let me quickly cut to the chase about what’s going on here…

There are about 50 things I could tell you about how your man is at fault and creates these problems for himself and for you in your relationship.

But that’s not going to help you learn anything about YOURSELF.

You could spend days, weeks, months or years worrying about a man, what he thinks, and why he does the things he does.

But if you want to be smart…

And you want relationships to start “working” for you, then you’ll make sure you have things handled for yourself first.

And that way you’ll have the CERTAINTY that only comes from understanding what’s happening in the relationship around you… and what YOU need to do in each situation that comes up with a man, especially in a case like this where you are dealing with an “Emotionally Unavailable” man.

The “Emotionally Unavailable” man is a man who has one foot out the door.

One moment he may be ready to step into the boat with you… he wants to be with you… he wants to spend all his time with you… and it seems as though he is ready to start on a beautiful journey with both of you together.

Then he stops dead in his tracks and starts thinking about that boat on the pier. That’s solid land. Land he knows how to navigate.

Maybe he’s never been on the boat before or maybe he doesn’t think he has a “map” in order to truly understand where the boat is going. What if their boat hits a rock? What if they get lost on their journey? (like his comment about “never having been in love before”) Maybe stepping back on solid ground that he is familiar with is the only option he sees.

And so he tells you, “I think we should just be friends.”

One of the most common, frustrating and destructive things these men do with women in relationships is pull away or completely withdraw emotionally.

If you’ve ever had this happen and it dragged on, even just for a few hours or days, then you know it can feel like a slow “emotional death.”

Well, there’s something that lots of women don’t recognize that I want to share with you…

It’s that when it comes to emotional withdrawal and distance in a relationship, most men DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND what it is they’re doing… and why it would be such a problem for their relationship.

Ok, let me repeat that.

Some men just plain DON’T GET IT.

And more to the point, don’t want to.

Got it?

Now, why am I telling you this?

Because lots of women get upset and try to analyze the situation with a man to death, trying to get all kinds of “meaning” from what he tells them and looking for the deeper reason behind his distance.

When in fact, the truth is that lots of men don’t appreciate how important sharing feelings, emotions, and experiences are to a relationship, and to a woman. (Duh!)

So when a great woman comes along that he could have an amazing time with and get close to…

And she starts noticing that he isn’t as “involved” emotionally…

Instead of identifying these for what they are (part of his natural “masculine” tendency to pull away and focus in a less emotionally involved way) she feels rejected, unappreciated or deadened by it.

Men who are emotionally unavailable think of themselves as “easygoing” and “laid back”.

Not “detached” or “distant”.

They’ll say things like:

“It’s better if we don’t talk about it.”

Or…”Why do you nag me about this stuff?”

Or… “Don’t worry about it so much?”

Sound familiar?

So what’s a woman to do with a man who thinks or talks this way?

Accept that he’ll never open up and share with her?

Resign herself to a life and a relationship without real love and connection?

Dump him and move on?

Well, what I can tell you is that as much as men are different, a man MUST BE willing to be part of the learning process that IS a relationship for love to grow and last.

Translation – if he’s open to learning and growth in some way, then he’s not a lost cause.

Which is why I’ve got two important questions for you-

Question #1. How open to learning and growth is the man in your life?

This is an important question to consider when you’re thinking about the kind of relationship you REALLY and truly want, and if the man you’re interested in is open and willing to have that.

The man you choose can help make all the difference for you.

Question #2. How open are YOU to the idea that YOUR OWN words and behavior often result in a man becoming LESS OPEN to learning and growth with you?

All healthy, mature people in relationships learn to take responsibility for their part in how their partner responds.

As much as men might be less “emotionally involved”, tons of women are blinded to the fact that they create more of the situation they fear most in their relationship – having a man shut off.

When you keep getting a man who shuts off when you try and talk about your feelings, what’s bothering you, or what’s wrong with your relationship… it would be a good idea to take a minute and look at YOUR PART in all of this, and the way you communicate.

Like, being ok with getting physical one day, then being upset that it didn’t “mean” what you wanted it to mean the next day.

You see what I’m getting at here?

But what if you knew about how COMMITMENT really works inside a man’s mind and heart… and you had a “map” to get you BOTH to a deeply committed place together in your relationship, without coming up against the resistance some men put up when they tell you they “aren’t ready”, “don’t want to hurt you” or “just want to be friends” (when it’s clear that they are physically attracted to you)?

Would a “map” like this help you feel more comfortable, guide you smoothly through what was coming next with a man, and help you grow CLOSER in your relationship?

And would you want to know all the juicy details of HOW and WHY commitment either leads to more happiness and intimacy, or just makes a man feel LESS CERTAIN with you than before he become more emotionally and physically involved with you?

There is a common mistake women make with men they want to be in a close, connected relationship with.

They wait until things are difficult and intense to try and have the real conversations about who they are, what they want, and where things are going.

And they find out too late where a man is really at, and where he’s really coming from.

It’s CRITICAL to learn to understand a man for who he is and what his patterns, fears, and hang-ups are so that you can either address them and move ahead to a deeper level of understanding and commitment…

Or you can be clear about the fact that he needs to deal with these for himself BEFORE you give him more of your time and energy.

Identifying what kind of “resistance” you’re going to have in your relationship before it comes up is what’s going to help you create the situation you’ve always known is possible in your love life… and make it LAST.

Of course, once you start to put together the puzzle pieces and raise your AWARENESS about your relationship and the man you’re with… from there you still need to know how to grow closer and become more committed over time… instead of growing apart like so many couples end up doing.

There are LOTS of different levels of commitment, and monogamy is just one of them.

Committing to honesty is another.

And committing to an emotionally close and intimate relationship regardless of external events is yet another.

But in order for commitment to last, you need to build it over time, in a natural way that will feel good for you AND for a man too.

Unfortunately, when it comes to a LASTING COMMITMENT, this uncertain, chaotic, “take-it-as- it-comes” approach ends up failing a majority of the time.

How would you like to have a clear understanding of what really makes a “GOOD MAN” – from the standpoint of emotions, sexuality, behavior and his readiness for commitment?

If you’re feeling like you wouldn’t know a good man when you saw one, then I have some GREAT news for you.

In my Inside the Mind of a Man program, I take you through the 3 Male Archetypes and the different levels of emotional maturity in a man…amazing insights that will empower you to “spot” a great man and dismiss the “boys” from the first time you meet.

This program will also show you how to cheat-proof your relationship, communicate your feelings to a man, and know exactly what he’s thinking in certain situations – even if he doesn’t say anything at all.

It’s all right here:

Inside the Mind of a Man

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

In this email I’m going to teach you why a man will act afraid of a real relationship…

And how lots of women both CHOOSE the wrong men… and bring out the “bad qualities” in the right men and ruin things for themselves.

**Quick Tip: Just because you’ve been happily dating a man for several weeks, months or even years… it doesn’t automatically mean he is thinking or feeling “commitment”, or seeking a deeper lasting expression of his LOVE.**

If you’re like most women, then by experience you already know this to be true. And it scares you.

You can spend time with a man, get close, become intimate and bond… and he can still NOT WANT to enter into a relationship with you.

So why are so many men “unavailable”?

The short answer is because men have a different RELATIONSHIP TIMELINE for wanting to get “serious” with a woman… and a different way of seeing how love and an exclusive committed relationship comes together.

But what can you do with this?

The first thing you should know is… a man’s “Commitment Tempo” (when he’ll want to take things to the next level with you) has NOTHING to do with how long you’ve been together.

Don’t get yourself hung up on this like lots of other women who try and “convince” a man it’s time because how ever many months have already passed and he SHOULD BE ready.

Talking this way to a man is a great way to shoot yourself in the foot and encourage him to pull away.

What matters, and what works, is addressing where you both are in terms of your EMOTIONAL CONNECTION… instead of worrying and talking about TIME.

If you’ve ever been with a man and shared something amazing for several months and grown closer and closer, but then he RESISTED and WITHDREW once you actually talked about how things were moving forward between you… then you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Here’s the secret:

A man doesn’t commit to a woman in a conversation, or even with his words. It’s something he just FEELS inside and wants for himself.

Do you know what creates this DESIRE and FEELING inside a man?

Now let’s get down to what’s really going on inside your heart when it comes to men and relationships.

Here’s what I want to know first:

Why is it so clear and easy for other women to fall in love with a man, and for a relationship to effortlessly come together and grow…

While YOU keep attracting all the men out there who are “unavailable” and SEEM great at first, but eventually get scared and just can’t go “deeper” with you?

Is this “unavailable” thing really a problem so many men are carrying around that gets in the way of love?

Or…

Could it also be that YOU play a part in finding men who are “unavailable”?

And that you bring about that unavailable RESPONSE which is already lying there dormant inside even the most “evolved” men?

I want to share with you what could be a new and enlightening perspective on all this..

There’s an important realization all SMART and LOVING women I know end up coming to at some point in their love lives.

It’s a “light bulb” that suddenly just turns on… and when it does you instantly grow and see things with a new sense of CLARITY.

Unfortunately, most women only come to this important realization AFTER they’ve been through the pain and frustration of doing everything they can think of to “revive” their relationship and failing.

I’ll tell you what this REALIZATION is-

It’s that when you’re with a man who is feeling or acting UNCERTAIN with you… even if you could give him an “ultimatum” that would move things ahead to the place in your relationship that YOU WANT…

A man who moves ahead in his relationship with you because you asked him or demanded it isn’t very vested in the relationship. This kind of situation is a very “weak” and dangerous place from which to enter into a loving relationship.

Especially for you as a woman who likely wants a man who is truly COMMITTED to being with you on a physical, mental, emotional, and even spiritual level.

Knowing this, let me ask you…

**Do men truly COMMIT and choose to love and become loyal, caring, affectionate, etc. just because a woman ASKS THEM?

Or does a man need to have HIS OWN REASONS for being and feeling this way?

It’s a VERY IMPORTANT question.

If you’ve had one or more relationships where you were ready for “more”… but the man you were with was seeming to drag his heels, or just not care about your relationship… and you tried to make it work but it only seemed to BACKFIRE- then this question could be one of the most important questions you ever ask yourself.

Seriously.

So as a bit of homework, I want you to stop for a second and THINK ABOUT IT…

Do men truly COMMIT and choose to love and become truly loyal, caring, and affectionate just because a woman ASKS IT OF THEM?

Or…

Does a man need to have HIS OWN REASONS for truly feeling and being this way with you, if it’s going to LAST?

WHERE TO START LEARNING ABOUT WHAT MAKES HIM WANT TO COMMIT WITH YOU

Let me be unusually direct with you, for your own good:

Have you finally figured out that if you don’t know HOW TO GET A MAN TO OPEN UP and talk and share his deeper thoughts and feelings with you…that it’s going to be impossible to make your relationship work?

Lots of women think they get how this works because they talk a lot about what’s on THEIR MIND.

For most women, this is common Communication Mistake #1 in their relationship:

Sharing YOUR FEELINGS first, and often, because you believe this will somehow get him to share his feelings in return.

This is not a great way to get a man to “open up” to you and get in touch with his feelings.

This is not his “emotional process.”

Especially with a man you’re in a relationship with who is already acting “withdrawn” and has shut off his feelings from you.

This kind of MORE IS BETTER approach about talking and sharing YOUR FEELINGS actually WORKS AGAINST YOU more than it helps you with men who are acting uncertain and withdrawn.

Here’s the deal…

If you know anything about a man, then you should know that to get to know HIS FEELINGS, then more talk about YOUR FEELINGS is NOT the answer.

Which leads me to common Communication Mistake #2:

Out of all the things that can go wrong in a relationship, I’ve found one that causes women more pain, frustration, and leads to BAD OUTCOMES with the man in their life than anything else…

I’ve watched it happen over and over with all the women I know – my friends, my family members, my co-workers. I also get TONS of e-mails from women who read my newsletters who write to tell me this all-too-familiar story.

It’s the SAME ISSUE that keeps popping up at the beginning of their romantic relationships:

EXPECTATIONS.

It’s when a woman expects that the relationship will progress to something more committed, but ends up feeling disappointed when she finds out the man doesn’t want the same thing.

This problem usually plays itself out in one of two ways.

I’m sure you’ll identify with one (if not both) of these:

SCENARIO #1: You know exactly what you want out of the relationship, but rather than “rock the boat” by having a conversation in which you make your expectations clear, you decide to WAIT IT OUT in hopes that the man will soon feel the same way and that everything will just “work itself out.”

SCENARIO #2: You know exactly what you want out of the relationship but as soon as you get the sense that the guy doesn’t share your desires or isn’t “on the same page” emotionally, you subtly and unconsciously decide to PRETEND that you’re cool with things just being casual, even though you know you need a lot MORE to be happy and content.

Predictably, when you find yourself in either of these two scenarios, it becomes a slippery slope toward ultimate relationship disaster.

Here’s how this plays out:

First- you start feeling unfulfilled, anxious or worried that you’re not getting what you want and need from the relationship

Second- you don’t know how to say what you’re feeling and what you want in a mature, honest way, so you say nothing at all or you drop “hints” that are misunderstood or ignored

Third- he doesn’t change anything about the way he’s treating you or the relationship, and you become frustrated or disappointed with because he doesn’t really “get” what’s missing and what you want from him

Fourth- your frustration builds up even more and either brings you to an emotionally destructive CONFRONTATION with him that FREAKS him out (like an ultimatum)… or all the silent tension and negative feelings between you make him act distant, disconnected and maybe he even starts losing interest in you.

Remember going down this road?

Not fun, huh?

So what’s going on here? And what can you do about it?

Stick with me here, and I’ll reveal some basic insights about how to get a man on the “same page” about where your relationship is headed without all the drama, tears and frustration.

“CENTER” YOURSELF FIRST… AND GET CLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT

What you need to do FIRST, before you do anything else, is get CLEAR about what you want and expect from your love life.

You need to be honest with YOURSELF first, before you can be honest with anyone else in your life.

Stop PRETENDING you only want a “casual” fun fling when what you REALLY want is to have a committed, serious relationship that’s “going somewhere.”

Here’s the thing:

Getting clear about what you want will help guide your mind in all kinds of POSITIVE DIRECTIONS to help you find and attract the right situations and people in your life.

But, unfortunately, being CLEAR and HONEST is not that simple for most women when “the rubber meets the road” in dating and relationships.

The reality is, knowing what they want and expect can turn into a source of EXTREME frustration and anxiety for a lot of women.

Why is that?

I’ll explain…

Expectations can definitely set us off in good directions in our lives… but when we don’t feel like we have the CONTROL over how to get those expectations met, the “wheels really start to come off the car,” so to speak.

Ok, so let’s get back the concept of expectations and disappointment.

A woman may “feel” like the man she’s been dating is “The One” and she can see things getting much more committed and serious, but she also senses she doesn’t have the right tools or skills to know how to COMMUNICATE those desires to the man in a positive way.

Simply put, the woman is AFRAID that approaching the guy with a heavy “talk” will either scare him away.

Or…

She herself doesn’t know what “taking it to the next level” really means to HIM, why he would want this, and how to go about talking about it in a way that builds trust and makes him want to open up and share.

So she avoids telling the man what she’s really thinking and feeling about their relationship.

Instead, she starts to accept or downplay the little disappointments she feels.

Until one day she finally wakes up and realizes that she doesn’t have the kind of relationship she THOUGHT she would have with this man, and she’s just not happy with herself or the situation.

And sometimes this “awakening” doesn’t even happen until after the man cheats or leaves.

Ouch.

Hey, I get it.

Men can act more than a little insensitive to all of this, and even act like TOTAL IDIOTS when it comes to appreciating and respecting the great relationship you already have together.

But hang on for a sec…

Let’s just simplify things and boil it down to that one thing that is the cause of all the trouble and confusion:

FEAR.

The unfortunate truth is that some women don’t want to dig deeper into what a man truly wants because of their own fears.

They’re AFRAID of finding out the truth about what a man truly feels about them, and their future together.

And the most dreaded fear of all…

REJECTION and ABANDONMENT.

These two things are SO STRONG AND POWERFUL that something fascinating happens in the woman’s mind when there’s even a small potential for either of these….

Their mind starts a cycle of SELF-DECEPTION.

Here’s how it works:

The fear of pain and loss often leads us to ignore our thoughts and intuition and replace our fearful thoughts with happier thoughts that make us feel comfortable.

It’s the mind’s “emotional defense mechanism.”

I know you felt this before.

How many times have you been unsure – deep down – about the man you are seeing, but instead of examining those doubts and finding a way for you to deal with your own feelings, you decided to actually BUILD HIM UP to your friends and family as being a wonderful catch because you didn’t want to face some of the problems lurking deep in the back of your mind?

You thought that you’d help things out by telling yourself and having faith in what you wanted to be true.

…And sometimes, in the process of making up these “new truths” you even start to convince YOURSELF that he’s a better guy than he actually is?

Or maybe you’ve been in a situation where you’ve gotten no indication that the man you’re seeing wants any kind of serious relationship, but you choose to believe that you’re building a committed relationship as things slowly and naturally escalate.

Making those assumptions without the basis of direct communication can lead to BIG TROUBLE down the road.

Save yourself the wasted energy and the broken heart.

If you’re looking to move past the fear and insecurity you feel with men but don’t want to get in touch with or let anyone know about, then I’d like to help you get in touch and start the “healing” and growth process.

And I’d like to help you quickly get to that great place you know inside you where LOVE and amazing experiences and emotions simply FLOW in your life… and draw the right man and the right relationship to you all on their own.

Remember, a man can’t read your mind, or know all that’s in your heart.

And if you’re carrying around pain or fear, it’s surely getting in the way of a man seeing the beautiful and real you underneath that he would want to know and love.

Don’t keep a man from seeing the best of the real you that’s inside. Make it easy for him, and for you.

Now, back to working with your own expectations, and being with a man and discovering how he is feeling.

Here’s a question that’s probably already on your mind:

How can you be sure you’re involved with the RIGHT guy, and know how he’s feeling, and if he shares your expectations and desires?

The answer is HONESTY.

HONESTY is one of the most liberating and valuable traits to develop – and it’s even more valuable when you’re dating.

And guess what else?

It FEELS REALLY GOOD to be completely open and honest.

Plus, even when it seems like it would push you and a man apart, it has an amazing way of bringing you closer together and building more love and admiration.

But only if you know how to share your thoughts and honest feelings in a way that SERVES YOU and your relationship.

Not all communication is equal.

You can MEAN something, but depending on how you share it with someone… it can either be received as loving and “good”… or as NEGATIVE and CRITICAL.

How is what you are feeling being RECEIVED?

And how does this relate to the way you choose to COMMUNICATE what you are feeling?

A WAY TO COMMUNICATE YOUR NEEDS AND DESIRES WITH A MAN THAT HE’LL LOVE AND RESPOND TO

Let me tell you something important that you might have gotten mixed up inside your head as a woman in relationships with men where they wouldn’t listen…

It’s OK to want what you want and to let a man know it.

In fact, it’s a MUST.

And it’s OK to tell a man that his behavior doesn’t match with what you want.

For example:

If a woman is honest and up front about what she wants and expects from a man, in a way that says that she’s not too attached to the immediate outcome and she subtly lets him know that he better have his act together or else…

It can take the usual “teeth pulling” talk into an opportunity for building attraction and a deep source of commitment with a man.

But remember – YOU CAN’T FAKE IT.

You have to be in a place where you truly believe that you’ll find and meet your expectations for love and relationships, with or without the man who’s there in front of you right then.

No matter how much you love him.

That means you have to be in the right frame of mind, and state in your heart, BEFORE you start the conversation with him…

But most women aren’t in the right frame of mind because they’re afraid, and they’ve “tricked” themselves into thinking that their intimate feelings for a man will scare him off.

WRONG.

It’s not honesty that will scare him off, it’s the negative, fearful and anxious “vibe” that you unknowingly give off before you finally EXPLODE because you can no longer hide how you feel from the man you’re with.

That’s what scares some men off and makes them clam up.

The amazing thing is that men crave HONEST women who are up front about who they are and what they want in relationships.

The key is to know the RIGHT WAY to communicate these things without going over the top.

Remember, if you communicate with a man in a way that assumes, begs, convinces, or makes him think that you’re “entitled” to a relationship and a commitment with him, he will NEVER, EVER respect you and want to stay for the long-term.

You might get what you want in the short-term if he gives in to your wishes just to avoid a conflict, but trust me, you are headed for MUCH bigger problems in the future.

Or worse, you’ll get what you want NOW, but he’s spent the past months – or YEARS – secretly SEETHING WITH RESENTMENT towards you.

Not good.

GIVE HIM A GOOD REASON TO WANT TO COMMIT TO YOU

You just can’t “talk” a man into wanting to commit to you by listing all the ways your relationship is special.

This is something VERY IMPORTANT to remember when it comes to men and relationships.

**You have to give a man the right “REASONS” for him to want to and make HIMSELF committed. **

Becoming deeply committed doesn’t often just happen with the passing of time for a man. He won’t want to commit “just because” it’s been six months or a year (or longer).

He won’t commit to you because you explain how you think you’re better than all the women he’s dated or because you have such a great “connection.”

Nope, he’s going to commit for his own reasons.

So what are these “reasons”?

They’re very complex if you don’t understand them… but simple at the same time.

A man’s reasons for committing, or not committing, are his FEELINGS and EMOTIONS.

Sounds simple, but it’s profound and true.

The “masculine” part of a man has to FEEL like he is naturally and of his own free will CHOOSING to be with a woman.

If this happens, his commitment will usually be strong and lasting.

But if a man commits because a woman has been talking to him and analyzing things to show him how a relationship really makes “sense”, then his commitment won’t be strong… and it probably won’t last.

See the difference?

A man’s motivation for commitment is how a woman makes him FEEL when he’s with her.

If you want him to respond and have committed feelings for you, then you need to do more of the things that will make him FEEL the desire, interest and attraction that lead him to want to commit.

Still with me here?

Good.

In other words, WORDS and conversations are the LEAST powerful and effective tools that a woman has when it comes to love and relationships.

The FEELINGS of ATTRACTION that she can create, sometimes without even speaking, are the MOST POWERFUL.

If you want to learn more about what works to attract a man to you so that he absolutely can’t resist wanting to be around you, and everything else but his desire to be with you falls away…then you need to check out my Natural & Lasting Attraction CD/DVD program.

In this program I reveal specific ways to subtly communicate to a man the things that will “trigger” that intense level of attraction inside him.

You can literally have a man who wasn’t totally “feeling it” for you suddenly take notice and see and recognize the things inside you he simply didn’t look for or see before.

And this is a great first step that you can quickly build on as a man starts to see you as the one woman he wants as his one and only partner.

Don’t wait for this all to happen on its own, when you know what you want.

Go here now and turn up the dial on the level of ATTRACTION a man feels and experiences with you on both a Physical and Emotional level.

You’ll be glad you did.

Check out all the details on my “Natural & Lasting Attraction” program here:

Natural & Lasting Attraction

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

P.S. As I mentioned in this newsletter, there is a very powerful force that makes a man want to commit to YOU and ONLY YOU. And that is the natural and unmistakable force of lasting ATTRACTION.

I’m definitely not just talking about the “physical” kind of attraction, which is definitely powerful in itself, but doesn’t in itself make a relationship LAST and THRIVE.

The kind of attraction I’m talking about is DEEPER and EMOTIONAL. It’s about the things you do, the things you say, the way you carry yourself that make a man go nuts with desire to be around you.

If you are intrigued by this idea, and want to learn everything there is to know about what makes you IRRESISTIBLE to a man, check out all the details about my “Natural & Lasting Attraction” CD/DVD program right now.

I promise you won’t be disappointed by all the life-changing insights you’ll gain. And the man you are close to will love you for it.

So go here now:

Natural & Lasting Attraction

I’ve learned recently about the secret to a more connected and fulfilling relationship…

A secret that is SO big it can literally change your perspective, not only on your relationship but also on your entire life.

If you can have this one key component in your life AND in your relationship, it can make the difference between a miserable situation where you’re feeling like he’s not able to see or respond to any of your needs… or may not even CARE…

And a relationship that feels not just CONNECTED and intimate, but actually makes you feel more alive and MORE LIKE YOURSELF than when you’re anywhere else, or with anyone else.

So let me ask you:

How do YOU feel when you’re with your man?

Do you feel like he understands you, like he supports you and is on your side?

Or do you feel like you’re never able to BE YOURSELF, relax, or feel content?

As a matter of fact, do you feel as if the “issues” in your relationship are keeping you from focusing on other, perhaps MORE IMPORTANT things in your life?

Does your relationship “take you away” from the woman you used to be, or the woman you WANT to be?

If you’re in a great relationship right now, and you feel that there’s NO ONE else who makes you feel more alive, enthusiastic and happy… then nothing I’m going to say in this e-mail is going to be news to you.

In fact, if you stick around to read this I bet what you’ll learn will just VALIDATE what you’ve been doing.

BUT… if you’re feeling LOST, lonely, desperate or depressed about the state of your love life, then I bet that what I’m about to tell you is going to CHANGE the way you experience your life and your man immediately.

It has to do with how you look at your life, and how your relationship fits in with the vision you have of your life.

If you’re in a relationship for ALL THE WRONG REASONS, you’ll often experience these:

– feeling like you used to be a happier, more confident woman before you met him

– feeling constantly frustrated and unhappy in the relationship and maybe not even knowing WHY half the time

– feeling “out of control” with the amount of problems that keep coming up with your man

– feeling like the man you’re with has changed, or that YOU have changed, and you’re not connected anymore

If any of the above sound familiar, that’s great!

Why?

Because I’m about to give you the 2 most powerful KEYS to changing how you feel about yourself, your life and most importantly…your RELATIONSHIP.

Here we go…

KEY #1: Define Your “P.O.P”

Every person on this planet has something that is unique to them, but it’s also something most people aren’t aware of or know about themselves.

This “something” is so important because it is the defining value that dictates everything you do, whether for your career, or your family, or in your romantic relationship.

It affects where you live, what friends you have, and what you do each and every day.

What is it?

It’s your P.O.P. – your Purpose On the Planet.

Your POP is the legacy you’ll leave. It is what you do for others, and how the world sees you. It is the thing that DRIVES you, that makes you happy when you’re doing it, that makes you feel ALIVE.

What’s funny about this is that every person has a Purpose. But not every person knows what their purpose IS.

Why is having and KNOWING your purpose important for overall happiness, and specifically- for RELATIONSHIP happiness?

Knowing what your purpose is opens up your life, because it gives you confidence about all the decisions you make on a daily basis. “Do I take this job? Do I continue this relationship? Do I spend time with this friend? Do I spend my money on this, or that?”

Having a purpose defines WHO YOU ARE and WHERE YOU’RE GOING in life. When you know your purpose, confusion and frustration drop away, because everything can be summed up with one question: Does this (job/relationship/decision) serve my purpose?

Having a purpose and knowing it makes you feel that you are living ON PURPOSE, that you don’t just HAVE an ultimate goal, but that everything in your life SERVES that goal, even if it feels or seems mundane.

Knowing your Purpose is the first step to realizing relationship happiness. I’ll explain why in a sec.

But first…

Here’s how you figure out what your POP is:

Take a look at your life and write down the reason BEHIND everything that’s every made you feel happy and joyous.

Maybe you’re creative and the times you’ve felt your best is when you’ve created something unique and special.

Maybe you’re devoted to your family and what makes you happy is seeing your family doing better because of your hard work and love.

So take a few minutes right now and start thinking about what makes you happy, and why.

Whatever it is, it can probably be summed up in a sentence or two:

“My Purpose on the Planet is to help others realize their full potential.”

“My Purpose on the Planet is to create beauty for others to enjoy.”

“My Purpose is to help my kids become happy and successful people.”

Whatever you discover, there is one important caveat when considering what your POP is. A Purpose – with a capital P–is something you do in SERVICE to others. It’s a way that others benefit because of your work and your efforts.

Even if it seems like your Purpose is something you’re doing for yourself, I’m sure if you dig deeper you’ll see how what you’re doing is ultimately benefiting someone else (like the example of creating art in order to bring more beauty to others).

Once you know your POP, you’ll see clearly why there have been times in your life where you’ve felt unfulfilled, frustrated or depressed about a job, a friendship, or a relationship.

If what you had been doing wasn’t serving your Purpose, or perhaps even going AGAINST or taking you away from your Purpose, subconsciously it set off all kinds of warning bells in your head.

When you are taken away or off-track from your Purpose, it definitely drains your energy and makes you feel a little “lost.”

So if you’ve ever been in a relationship that ended and afterwards you said to yourself, “FINALLY! I can get my life back!”

There’s a reason why you felt like that.

The reason is because your had “lost” your Purpose while you were in the relationship.

And that’s why key #2 is just as important for long-term relationship success…

KEY #2: Define the Purpose of Your Relationship

How many times have you heard someone say that they and their partner have “similar values”?

If you’ve ever felt totally turned off by someone you met on a date, one of the reasons you may have felt this way is that you subconsciously sensed that man had a different set of VALUES than you did.

Maybe he was an egomaniac who bragged about his sports car and how much money he was going to make this year…and you’re an environmentalist who likes to live simply and volunteer for her community.

Anyway, you get what I’m saying here.

Having similar “values” is important to any relationship.

But it’s not ENOUGH for relationship success just to have similar values.

In order to be truly fulfilling and connected for the long-term, your relationship also needs to serve each other’s PURPOSE.

A friend of mine recently got married, and I attended their wedding. He and his new wife had included their “relationship purpose” in the vows they made to each other.

They vowed to spend their life promoting peace by doing regular volunteer work together in their community.

As a matter of fact, they plan on taking 6 months off from their jobs in order to backpack around the world, but spending most of the time on various volunteer projects in the communities they’re going to visit.

What’s great about this is that their RELATIONSHIP not only serves each of their individual purposes, they support their common purpose as well.

Now, it just so happens that my friend and his new wife have a very similar POP – to promote peace in the world. But it doesn’t mean that in order to be successful in love, your have to have the same POP as your partner.

The important thing to remember is that you should SUPPORT your partner’s Purpose, and your partner should support yours, and by being in a relationship TOGETHER, you’re building a life that actually nurtures and supports your goals and aspirations.

A man’s POP may be to work at building better widgets so people’s lives improve…

And a woman’s POP may be to nurture and care for her children…

And in relationship, they support each other’s POP in the things they say and do.

Being in this type of relationship builds a feeling of connectedness and intimacy that is virtually UNBREAKABLE.

When you’re NOT in this kind of relationship, you will feel all those negative things that I mentioned in the beginning of this email (frustrated, depressed, out of control, LOST).

And when you finally break it off or separate from a relationship that doesn’t serve your Purpose, or that doesn’t HAVE a purpose in the first place, you’ll feel a strange sensation of “busting out” or relief…as if you’re finally “getting your life back.”

So…to recap:

The 2 keys to a healthy, fulfilled and long-term relationship are 1) defining and living your Purpose, and 2) defining the purpose of your relationship as it supports that Purpose.

Although I’d love to take credit for this amazing piece of advice and insight… I can’t.

It’s actually something I learned recently during an interview I conducted with an amazing woman who has made it HER life’s purpose to help people become more connected and compassionate.

She’s a marriage and family therapist who’s appeared on the Dr. Phil show and has her own successful private practice.

This amazing woman is Dr. Phyllis Chase, and she specializes in working with single women and couples to ignite a passion in themselves and their relationships.

Phyllis says that, simply stated, when you stop worrying about finding the perfect mate and start embracing YOU and your Purpose, you can go out into the world and you’ll ATTRACT the right romantic relationship that will work for you.

Knowing your Purpose, and knowing why you want a relationship, and how that relationship can support your Purpose, you’ll be able to instantly know when a guy is “in” or “out” when you meet.

It’ll also explain the “chemistry” of knowing a man is aligned with you when it comes to values, and the “eeek” feeling of meeting someone whose values don’t quite mesh with yours.

Having a Purpose on the Planet can also help your relationship in another way.

It can help you get very clear with a man about what you expect out of a relationship, and how you won’t “settle” for a relationship that doesn’t fit that purpose.

Not only that, but you’ll quickly discover that no one person, no ONE MAN can satisfy ALL your needs all the time. Whenyou are aware of your life’s Purpose you begin to see just how many people in your life support that purpose–not just your man.

On page 149 of my eBook, Catch Him & Keep Him, I talk about what happens when a woman relies too much on a man to meet all her emotional needs.

I call this idea “Relationship Debt,” and it’s something that can start immediately when a man and woman meet.

“Relationship Debt” happens because a woman has UNSPOKEN needs or expectations from the man, so in her mind she begins to feel like its “time” things progress to a certain level in the relationship.

If you have Relationship Debt, you may find yourself asking things like why he doesn’t feel the way you do, why he’s afraid of commitment, why he’s not acting the way you think he should act in a situation.

All this built up tension and energy has nowhere to go except in the form of a “talk” with your man, where you decide to sit down with him and let him know the ways in which he’s disappointed you.

All this talking and tension, no matter how calm and “cool” you think you’re being, makes the man get more distant and moody instead of being more loving and open.

Later, in Chapter 7 of my eBook, I explain how to speak the right “language” to a man when it comes to discussing your relationship and what you expect or need…like a commitment.

I give you specific “scripts” on how to talk tough, but practice understanding, so you can get him to LISTEN and improve your relationship without compromising yourself or your needs.

This is important because by compromising yourself and your Purpose, you create an unhealthy balance in the relationship where you become a pushover.

If you haven’t checked out my eBook yet, I highly suggest you do so right now.

You can be reading it in minutes, and the best part is that it’s RISK FREE.

That’s right, if you download my eBook today I’ll let you examine it and read it for a full 7 days before deciding if you want to pay for it.

In my eBook, you’ll also learn:

– Why men “stuff” their feelings and how to get him to open up (Chapter 1)
– How to change your internal state so your entire relationship FEELS different (Chapter 2)
– How to set yourself apart from other women (Chapter 6)
– How to be unique and attract a man…naturally (Chapter 7)
– And much, much more…

You simply cannot miss out on learning all the valuable information in my eBook.

That’s why I’ll make you a special offer today.

If you’ve been reading my newsletter and you find it helpful…it’s time you took things to the next level in your growth and learning.

It’s right here:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

I hope you learned something valuable in this email about your life’s purpose and how being aware of it can be the first step to a more connected and fulfilling relationship.

I’ll talk to you again soon.

Meanwhile, best of luck in life and love.

Your friend,

Christian Carter

This worrying usually starts around the time when you feel that you’re connecting and starting to have strong feelings for him.

You’ve naturally become exclusive with him and assume he’s exclusive with you, too.

You have a great time when you’re together.

He’s introduced you to his friends and maybe even some of his family.

He’s met your friends. You’ve spent some holidays together. Celebrated birthdays and special occasions. Went on weekend trips together.

It just keeps getting better and better.

It feels really good to be so “in sync” with a guy.

But it isn’t long before it dawns on you…

You have a very special connection and you want it to last. And because it’s so good, you start to think that maybe you’ve finally found your Mr. Right.

That’s why you’re anxious about something going wrong, or about him suddenly “changing his mind” about you.

Maybe that sort of thing happened to you before…or maybe you’ve been hearing too many “horror stories” from friends who have experienced this.

So even though things are going “great” and you’re really connecting, you’re also beginning to freak out just a little.

This is precisely the moment where a lot of women make a crucial mistake.

They start to let their FEAR and insecurity take over. Instead of being secure because the relationship is going well and the guy seems like a good guy, they start to be afraid that it won’t last, or that it isn’t “real.”

This leads to a desire to KNOW exactly what the man is thinking and feeling.

It doesn’t matter that he’s being affectionate and attentive and that there’s really no reason to feel anxious.

Fear is a powerful motivator, and it leads a woman to ask a man the WRONG questions at the WRONG time in the WRONG way. These questions can actually make a man want to withdraw.

Don’t get me wrong…

A lot of women have had a good experience asking a man these questions because they’ve approached it in a completely different way than I’m about to illustrate. I’ll reveal how in just a minute…

But first, getting back to this crucial mistake…

OK, so you’re feeling a little freaked out, even though things are fairly happy in your relationship… because of something that happened in your past or because of the stories you heard from your friends.

Maybe in the past you were completely “hooked” on a guy, thinking that he was “The One”, when suddenly he decided he wasn’t ready, couldn’t commit, wanted to go back to his ex, or was seeing someone else already.

It affected you in a bad way, and took you a long time to get over it.

So you begin wondering and worrying about what’s going on NOW, even though it’s a completely different guy and a completely different situation.

You start to look for clues about his level of “seriousness” in the things he says and does, but nothing seems obvious to you, and you’re still not satisfied.

So you begin to look for the right time to ask one of these three questions, (if not all of them):

QUESTION THAT CAN MAKE HIM WITHDRAW #1: HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT ME?

– Is this love or is this just a fling? Are your feelings for me real and lasting?

QUESTION THAT CAN MAKE HIM WITHDRAW #2: WHERE IS THIS GOING?

– What will happen to us a year from now? Should I be making my future plans around us moving in together someday? Would you like to get married someday?

QUESTION THAT CAN MAKE HIM WITHDRAW #3: ARE YOU SERIOUS ABOUT US?

– Or are you just in this for “now” but not thinking anything serious or long-term?

These are the thoughts swirling around your head almost constantly, especially after you get together with him.

You want to know where the relationship is going. You NEED to know. You don’t want to be “strung along” for months and months, only to have your heart broken.

You don’t want to be wasting your time.

There are certain things you want from a relationship, and you want to know that he’s going to be able to come through for you.

That’s when you decide you’re going to sit down and have “A Talk”. You’re nervous about it, so you wait for just the right time…

You don’t want to seem pushy or needy, so you may even rehearse what you’re going to say in your mind.

Finally, the moment comes and you blurt out everything you’ve been thinking and feeling for days and weeks…

But things don’t go exactly the way you imagined.

He’s not reassuring or relaxed. He’s not tender and affectionate.

And he’s certainly not wrapping you in his arms to tell you how much he loves you and wants to commit!

He’s actually a little WORRIED. “Frustrated” would almost be the right word. Maybe even annoyed!

Uh oh.

He acts put off, as if you’re now “hassling” him and pressuring him to do or be a certain way. He tells you he’s “not sure” or maybe “not ready” to make any promises to you.

He tells you that he cares about you…BUT…he “needs more time.”

Or any number of reasonable or non-reasonable excuses as to why he can’t answer your questions or make a commitment to you RIGHT NOW.

You don’t get it.

All you wanted was to know where the relationship was heading!

You weren’t trying to hassle him or force him to make a decision on the spot. You just wanted to know where you stand as a couple.

Now YOU’RE angry, HE’S angry, and you regret ever having brought it up.

Because now he’s being distant. He’s changed toward you a little bit. He’s not quite as affectionate. Maybe he’s a little distracted. A little cold.

And it scares you.

If you’ve ever been in this situation, or if you FEAR being in this situation, you’re not alone. So many women worry about how to approach a man about these 3 common questions. And that’s understandable…

But there’s something I need you to know about men and how they “see” commitment.

Men and women have different timelines when it comes to commitment.

A woman may think “it’s time” for a man to commit after a certain amount of months has passed, or certain things have happened…like after he’s introduced you to his family and celebrated a few holidays with you.

But it’s not NECESSARILY the same way a man thinks.

A man decides he wants to be with YOU and ONLY YOU and make a real commitment based on how you make him FEEL.

Whether it’s been 2 weeks, 2 months, or 2 years.

It doesn’t matter.

If a man is feeling that “something special” about you, he’s going to be thinking of how he can have you in his life for the long-term. If he feels that his life is much better with you in it, or is much easier and happier and more fulfilled, then he’ll do what he has to do to make sure you’re in his life for good.

A man doesn’t make a decision to commit because of a series of events that he’s mentally checked off…or because “it’s time” to get serious.

Or because it’s been 2 months and you’ve been physical and enjoyed each other’s company and you like doing the same kinds of things together.

Unless you’re triggering that “forever” feeling in him ANOTHER WAY, a man isn’t going to feel compelled to bring up the issue of “commitment” with you.

And if you bring it up first when he’s not “feeling” it…then he’ll feel put off and pressured.

A man making the decision to commit to you is DEFINITELY not the result of any one “talk” you have with him where you’re asking him where it’s going based on your OWN AGENDA.

You see, that’s the key.

Once you stop thinking of what it is you want and why you’re right and he’s wrong, and start to be curious about what HE wants and what he is feeling, you can completely shift the vibe you’re putting off…and change the way he feels completely.

You can and SHOULD communicate what you want to a man and set certain STANDARDS from the start.

But you have to do it from the start…not keep things bottled up, “hoping” he’s thinking and intending the same things from the relationship that you are, and then feel upset and confused when months later you find out that he doesn’t.

Look… I generally avoid “rules” with men, because all men are unique and there is no such thing as “one rule fits all.” But here’s a rule, so listen up…

You HAVE to let a man know that you don’t want to casually date forever FROM THE START, if that’s your intention.

But the trick for lots of women, even though they do this in their own way, is that you CANNOT do this through pressure or any kind of passive-aggressive or weak, convincing types of behavior.

Putting pressure on people in important situations and choices in life causes more harm than good- you won’t get a positive response.

This is what I mean when I say that there are certain questions that MAKE a man withdraw. The questions of “where’s this going?” and “what do you feel about me?” put pressure on a man or else try to convince him that things should be a CERTAIN WAY.

If you let a man know what you will and won’t tolerate in a relationship early on, then he won’t feel cornered or “hassled.”

Here’s exactly how to do this…

Say, “I will only keep seeing you right now if this is going somewhere and you aren’t seeing anyone else, because I’m not and I don’t want to waste my time.”

When you say this to a guy, there’s an unconscious button that’s pushed in his mind that basically tells him and instills the belief that “this is a respectable and desirable woman who has the ability and the strength to pick and choose what happens in her life and with men, so I better make good of the situation.”

If all this goes well and you start becoming closer and closer to a man after weeks or a couple of months, then it’s time to say in a calm and casual voice-

“I’m happy with you and I want to keep dating…but the future’s important to me too.

So let’s see how we feel about things over the next few weeks or months (set a time here you feel comfortable with), and we’ll decide where this is going and to continue if there’s something more serious that we’re both interested in and want.”

And “Kaboom.” This is like the ultimate ground-shaker for a man.

Careful when you do this, though. For some women this might be risky and sound a bit harsh, but the thing is, if a man is at all interested or serious about you, then watch out after this conversation…

He’s going to suddenly be wildly open, affectionate and want more with you. Don’t let it scare you when you see such a big sudden shift.

It’s normal for a man to act this way after a woman says this to him.

I devote an entire chapter to what to do and say to make sure you start with the right “end” in mind when you’re dating a man in my eBook, Catch Him and Keep Him.

On page 248 I reveal how to push his secret “communication button”… which is really a way to get a man to open up and share his thoughts and feelings about your relationship.

When you push this “button”, you’ll find out what he really thinks and feels about ANYTHING you want to know about.

This 5-step process is explained in detail starting on page 248 in my eBook, so if you haven’t downloaded a copy, do it now, because you can be reading it in minutes.

It’s totally risk-free and if for any reason you’re not 100% thrilled with it you can cancel your order within 7 days and not have to pay a single penny.

So go here and download it now and put it to use in your love life now:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

Now, why do men perceive being asked “where is this going?” as some kind of weird, needy ploy?

It depends on the timing of the question and the context with which it’s brought up, of course, but one of the main reasons they feel this way has to do with TIMING and ATTRACTION.

If you ask a man how he feels about you or the relationship before he’s had a chance to develop a strong emotional attraction toward you, and before he even knows himself where he wants the relationship to go, he’s going to perceive your questions as you looking for APPROVAL or direction from him.

It would be like you going on a first date to a nice restaurant with a man you barely knew and hearing him ask you as he was finishing his meal, “OK, now that we’ve gotten to know each other, and I’m paying for this meal, how about if we go to my place and have sex?”

I’m willing to bet that if a man asked you that on a first date, you’d feel totally put off. You’d feel offended and grossed out. Ewwww….no class whatsoever. Check please!

When you ask a man how he feels about you or your relationship before he’s had a chance to figure out his own feelings, it brings about the same kind of “ewww” feeling in him, too.

If you’re not telling him what your boundaries and standards are, but instead you’re seeking direction and approval, he’ll look for ways to “cool” things because he’ll lose ATTRACTION for you.

Talking to a man about your relationship or worrying about “where it’s going” isn’t going to make him FEEL anything for you.

Neither is wanting to “skip” all that tiresome dating and just get right to the “real thing,” either.

Men have a different timeline and attitude when it comes to commitment, and unless you know what that is, you’ll be feeling pretty frustrated by a man’s “wishy washy” behavior.

When he tells you that he values his “freedom” you won’t understand why his single life is more attractive than spending time with YOU.

Every one of us dreams of having that “storybook romance love” with the one person we were meant to spend the rest of our lives with…

Don’t let a misunderstanding of what a man is feeling about you and your relationship RUIN your chances for that happily ever after.

It may not be that he doesn’t want to commit ever, it may just be that he’s on a different point in the PROCESS with you…

So stop feeling anxious and worried about whether or not a man will actually want to commit to you, or whether you’re wasting precious time and energy on a man who may NEVER commit.

I’ll talk to you again soon and best of luck in Life and Love,

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

In it I share some tips and insights into what’s going on with her man as she’s sensing something wrong but can’t put her finger on it, while he won’t talk to her.

Read on to find out what’s going on…

>>>>Letter From A Reader

Hi Christian

I have read your e-book which has helped answer a lot of my questions about men and relationships. I am also in the process of listening to your “ready for Love” CDs.

I have been having a long distance relationship with a man with whom the chemistry and the connection was amazing from the start. We have been seeing each other for almost 4 months now. We fell in love and he has confessed it so to me. He also has mentioned to me that he feels I am his soul mate.

He travels around the world working for an oil company and during his last trip which has taken a month things are changing. He does not call me as often, does not write emails to me as often and blames it on the time difference and mood differences and being stressed and busy. All started to get worse when in my frustrations I started feeling anxiety and reacting by also not calling him as often and being cold and distant.

Before I started acting this way I did ask why he was not calling and communicated that expectation with him. I think he is pulling away and so not know what to do. I am in love with him and do not know if I should bother him by calling or I should just stand back and wait for him to make his move when ready. He was very attentive and used to call a lot more before even when he was traveling.

Did I act needy? Is there hope? What should I do?

In need of your help.

-A.

>>>>My Response

Ok, I’m glad you asked.

Here’s something you should know-

It is possible for a man to sense what you’re calling “needy” without you even saying anything.

And…

It’s possible that even though your normal feelings of wondering what’s going on aren’t wrong or needy in an unhealthy… your man might FEEL like you’re being too needy.

The result- he’s not showing you the same level of interest and attraction not because you did something wrong, but because of how he is FEELING.

So what’s the difference between what is actually needy, and what a man thinks is needy and unattractive to him?

It’s the way you communicate the way you’re feeling to him. You might even think of this as the “energy” that you’re bringing to him and your relationship.

I’m going to tell you what’s really going on with a man when this kind of thing is going on.

But first, I need you to do something.

I need you to stop what you’re doing right now.

Then I need you to stop your mind, stop your busy thoughts, and stop trying to “figure everything out.”

I’m going to suggest something you might not understand at first, but I know it’s really going to help -

You’re on the brink of becoming your own worst enemy here.

Why?

Because you’ve got a growing case of what I call the “over-analyzing blues.”

This is when you know there’s something going on with your man that you don’t get.

And since you don’t know what it is, and you’re feeling a bit uncertain about things…something bad starts to happen-

Your mind starts to fill in the blanks of each little thing he does and says with some kind of negative or fearful thought. (even if there’s nothing really wrong)

And this creates a negative feedback loop where-

The more you feel uncertain and unnerved by not knowing what’s going on…

The more things feel weird between you…

And thus the worse you feel…

And then the more negative stuff about him and his actions you think and worry about…

And so the more he acts strangely or more distant around you.

The cycle feeds itself and down and down you go.

STOP THE MADNESS.

What you focus on is what you get more of. So if you’re focused on what might be wrong, guess what?

You’re going to not only find something, you’ll create something to be wrong in the meantime- and nothing will happen to make anything BETTER.

I want you to do something right now.

I want you to clear your mind of all your thoughts about him.

I want you to picture yourself sitting in your own personal paradise- whatever or wherever that may be.

It could be on a white sand beach on a tropical island, or it could be on top of a rolling hill looking out over a plain.

Whatever it is, I want you to picture yourself in a place that calms and soothes you.

Now, I want you to picture something for me-

I want you to picture your guy there beside you, with his arms around you.

I want you to picture how loved and cared for and appreciated you feel with him, and how incredible it is when you’re both connected this way.

Go ahead and picture this.

Now, take that feeling that you’re having of the love and connection you feel to him, and take a minute to appreciate what it is that you and he share.

And take a minute to appreciate that feeling and feel GRATEFUL for him and who he is.

Let the love that you feel inside you grow stronger and richer and brighter.

Now that you can feel this love, I want you to think about how your man responds to you when you are this way with him.

Does he reject this kind of feeling from you?

Does he withdraw from this?

No, he doesn’t.

Like other men, he CRAVES being with the woman who is in this place of love, and who brings this incredible and irresistible energy to him.

Now that you see this… let me ask you-

How does this energy and love that you share, which your man craves and is the reason he’s with you… how does that compare to this uncertain and worried energy and over-analyzing that you’re bringing to him and your relationship now?

Think about it for a second.

..

..

And now, think about how this energy could be affecting him?

And how is it affecting you?

And how about your entire relationship?

Here’s the first thing I’m getting at-

What if the reason your man seems to be more distant or different with you isn’t because something is really wrong?

What if the reason is what YOU are bringing to him and your relationship with what you’re thinking and worrying about?

The energy you’re putting out there to him doesn’t sound like it’s the kind that would inspire him to feel energized and passionate around you.

And what do men do when they’re around a woman who’s going through intense emotions that they don’t understand?

What do men do when they don’t know what to do emotionally?

They hang back.

They “play it cool.”

Or they withdraw to a place where it’s easy breezy and there’s no heavy emotional stuff going on.

If you think you might be worrying about your relationship, and you find that this only seems to make your man MORE DISTANT… you might want to put 2 and 2 together here.

He might be feeling disconnected or distant from you because you’ve got so much going on in your head that he doesn’t get or even know about.

Danger. This is where you start turning perfectly healthy and normal situations into the kind of situations men can’t help but be baffled and frustrated by.

And more importantly, if you keep worrying about this and feeling uncertain and turn to him for answers to why you feel the way you do…guess what?

He’s likely not going to stand there with open arms waiting to hear and understand how you feel, and explain himself.

It would be great if men would always do this.

It would be great if a man would always be your “rock”.

What happens when they aren’t?

Should it all fall apart?

The truth is that men don’t often know what’s going with you, or why.

They just know if something feels heavy or intense to them.

And when this heavy energy starts to take over in your relationship… this is where a man will want to ESCAPE.

Which only makes you feel worse and seems to be a signal that something really is wrong.

Or is it?

By the way, I’ve finally created an all-in-one resource that will show you exactly how men think, what it means when they act the way you’re describing, and what to do about it that will quickly have him feeling CONNECTED and ENGAGED with you like it probably was in the beginning.

Men can and will predictably WITHDRAW once you get down the road in your relationship.

Knowing what this means and how to handle it is what can make all the difference, and can be what separates you from any other woman a man has ever dated by making him feel that you’re the right woman to be with.

Men get that magic “she’s the one” feeling not when they feel like they have to dig into the little things to make your relationship work- but when it feels EASY.

Once you know how men really think and feel, it’s not only going to feel easy for him… it’s going to BE EASY for YOU to get what YOU WANT in your relationship.

And you having the relationship you want is what this is really all about.

That’s why it’s time you stopped wondering what in the world is going on with men, and stopped feeling stuck or frustrated as the same “issues” keep coming up with men.

What if those issues are things that keep coming up because you haven’t learned how to avoid and move past them with men?

For all my very best tips and a complete guide to what men think and want when it comes to women,love and relationship you need to go check out my Inside The Mind Of A Man program.

In this program I’ll show you:

-The 8 Attraction Killers which are universal with all men

-The 3 Stages of Maturity in a man’s life, and how to identify and understand where your man is at, and what this means about how he’ll be with you in your relationship

-What leads men to cheat, and the best ways to PREVENT CHEATING in the first place

-What men really want and need to find in a woman if they’re going to want a long term, or even lifelong, love affair and relationship with you

-Exactly WHY men so often perceive women and their feelings as NEEDY… and what to say and do so your man not only listens to you but wants to know more.

-And lots more…

There’s so much I want you to know about men that’s going to instantly change the way you see things and shift things for you with men…

And that’s why I STRONGLY RECOMMEND you go and check out what’s in this program and take me up on my special offer.

You can try my new Inside The Mind Of A Man program absolutely free before deciding if you want to keep it.

All you have to do is go here right now and I’ll ship you a copy for you to try for 30 days.

It’s really that simple. And no hassles, no gotchas, no hidden fees if you don’t absolutely love it and want to keep it from all you’ll be getting from it about men.

Go here and try my program now:

Inside The Mind Of A Man

Oh, and -

I was really blown away by this email I got the other day and I can’t help but share it with you.

This woman’s love life was changed forever in a few short moments…

>>>>Letter From A Reader

Dear Christian:

Several months ago, I purchased your “Ready for Love” DVD program. It arrived, yet I didn’t open it for several months because I wasn’t “ready” for it.

I am 49 years old and spent 13 years with the man of my dreams (11 of them married). He decided that he didn’t want to be a husband anymore and we divorced in 2004.

For the past three years, I have been making mistakes, either not dating (hiding in my apartmentand just being “MOM” to my 13 year old daughter), dating the wrong men or just being downright miserable.

One weekend, when I couldn’t take it anymore, I opened the package and watched 3 of the DVDs. I watched the other 2 the following weekend. I was shocked at how much I learned about myself after viewing your program. I will highlight the three things that were most profound to me and have helped me tremendously:

Being able to articulate what love means to me, how I wanted it, yet blocked my ability to receive it. I have learned how to create a clear definition of what I truly want (this was hard).

Addressing my fears and looking at my behavior that stemmed from my fears, which in turn drew me to the wrong men or sabotaged a potentially good relationship. (”We attract what we project.”)

Understanding that a man is NOT the center of my universe, knowing that I am a goddess and that if I nurture myself more, I will attract and receive what I truly deserve! (thank YOU and Dr. Amir)

Now for the success story — thanks to your program and my newfound bravery, I began communicating with a guy I met online. He was saying all of the right things, but I still found myself a little scared. Nevertheless, by applying your principles, I got up the courage to go out on a date with him. Everything was fantastic, but in the back of my mind, I kept referring to what I learned from your program.

Let’s just say that five weeks later, things are still fantastic between us. We talk a lot, laugh a lot and share special times together. It’s not necessarily about “us” or the “future.” I’m not trying to prove to him how “worthy” I feel because he likes me. He is NOT the center of my universe — I still travel, go to the theater with friends and hang out with my daughter and treat myself like a goddess. However, this is so far the best man that I have met in a very long time. He has shared with me the fact that he feels “lucky” to have met me! The old me would have wondered what he was feeling so lucky about. Now I know.

Thanks Christian. You have made a believer out of me.

-C.C.

>>>>My Response

C.C.- he is lucky to have met you, and so am I.

Thanks for sharing and you made my day.

in Life and Love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

P.S. What if you could go inside the mind of your man and finally know what he was thinking and feeling?

Now you can with my new Inside The Mind Of A Man program.

I’ve got a brand new program that is frankly exactly what lots of women who have been reading my newsletters have been asking for.

And now that they’ve got it and know what their man is really thinking, they can’t stop talking about the new world they’re living in.

EVERYTHING is easier for them now- from talking to their man, to having him coming to them wanting to open up, to getting the understanding and connection that they crave.

Do yourself, and the man you’re going to be with for as long as you want, a favor and check out my new Inside The Mind Of A Man program.

It’s here:

Inside The Mind Of A Man

And here’s what is even more fascinating and strange about how men think and feel…

If you don’t know how to create the right first impression with a man, then you just might get thrown into the “just a friend” category before you can even talk to or connect with him.

And guess what that means?

Everything that you do after a man gets that initial impression about you is run through the “she’s just a friend” filter… and this can make being in the “friend zone” almost inescapable.

ESPECIALLY if you’re looking to get involved with a man for MORE THAN JUST A FLING.

But, there IS something you can do about this.

If you want to learn the mistakes lots of women make in first and second impressions that land them in the “friend zone”…

And what you can do instead that will make him think “GIRLFRIEND MATERIAL” from the get-go, then keep reading…

WHY A MAN RECOGNIZES ONE WOMAN AS “RELATIONSHIP MATERIAL” AND ANOTHER AS JUST A “FLING”

Did you know that men have several specific terms and phrases that they use with each other to think of and describe women?

It’s a sort of “guy code” or short-hand slang that men everywhere use with each other and their friends.

One of my favorites that I’ve been hearing all my life from men is the term “Cool Girl.”

As in when a man says, “Yeah, I met this girl the other night and she was a really “cool girl”.

As simple as this sounds, the meaning that men give this term is important and applies to a set of very specific qualities.

Qualities that, although never actually discussed among men, are universally understood.

Quick quiz here for you:

1) You’ve got cool fashion sense.

2) Great taste in music.

3) You hang with the hippest friends at the best places.

4) And you’re often the life of the party.

So, that makes you a “Cool Girl”, right?

Not necessarily.

So, what in the world are men talking about?

And why are they so fickle?

Well, for starters, MEN DON’T MAKE SENSE. The more you try and use logic and reason to figure out or understand a man’s thinking and behavior, the more you’re going to become frustrated and upset.

It may seem simple or even downright ridiculous, but men think of women as “cool girls” when they see that a woman understands something that other women can’t even see going on.

Men see that a cool girl “gets it” on a level that lots of other women don’t.

They demonstrate to men certain social and motional understandings and ways of behaving that resonate deeply, without having to be talked about or explained.

You’ll hear different stats for this, but something around just 8% of communication is done through the actual spoken word.

We’re talking here about that AND the other 92%, which, for most women, is saying things to a man that they don’t even know they’re saying.

To put it another way, “cool girls” exude positive emotional energy that men can relate to.

And they’re “naturally” the kind of women who every man is inexplicably drawn to, even if they doesn’t look like a supermodel.

Want to know her secret?

In today’s email I’m going to reveal EXACTLY what makes you stand out as a “Relationship Material” (a “Cool Girl”) in a guy’s mind.

And we’ll talk about how you can harness your own power to become one.

But first, let’s learn what a cool girl ISN’T. Let me ask you a question:

Has a man ever accused you of being too “emotional?”

How about “moody?”

Or worse – maybe some guy actually called you “hysterical” or “needy”?

Whatever he called you, it was the start of him closing off or getting irritated with you and things going wrong in the conversation.

What’s frustrating for lots of women is that men often react this way when you simply bring up something you feel strongly about or you need to get off your chest.

Sure, maybe you got a little choked up or felt intense about it, but you were just being honest with your feelings.

Well, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but this isn’t unusual for a man to do.

In fact, it’s standard behavior for most men to react to a woman with withdrawal or frustration in these kinds of conversations.

Is it the “right” thing for a man to do?

Obviously not. But you might be forgetting that MEN DON’T MAKE SENSE.

And don’t get me wrong…

I’m not saying that honesty isn’t important or that you’re not entitled to feel how you feel.

But, in order to make a relationship work, it’s CRITICAL for you to understand that men simply aren’t “wired” the same way that women are when it comes to connecting on an emotional level.

Men open up, connect, and become emotionally “committed” in different ways, and for different reasons than most women do.

Unfortunately, lots of women never really learn what these differences are… so they go about trying to build a connection, attraction, and a lasting relationship with a man by doing what would work FOR THEM.

You don’t have to be a genius to figure out that this approach rarely works.

If you want some specific insights about what most women do when they’re starting out in a relationship, or when they’re just trying to get closer to a man that only pushes him away…

Then you need to check out my eBook Catch Him & Keep Him.

There’s a specific section in the book I call “The Biggest Mistakes Women Make With Their Emotions” – and it talks about what this mistake so many women make is, how to avoid having a man pull away and resist you when you make it, and what to do instead.

If you’d like to learn why a man will react in a negative and fearful way to what you say about your feelings and emotions (even when what you’re saying is only for the good of your relationship and to show him you care), then go check out my eBook now.

You can read it and start improving your live life immediately.

It’s time to change the ways a man often responds to you with frustration or RESISTANCE.

Instead, learn what will get him to finally and at long last listen, learn, and connect with you on a deeper emotional level.

The key is UNDERSTANDING the “buttons” that will cause most men to stop listening and WITHDRAW… and instead learn how to communicate directly and easily with the part of his personality and mind that’s open and receptive to love, affection, and connection with you.

Men want love and to connect with a woman more than they like to show…

And part of you instinctively knows this.

If you want to learn more about how to create the kind of intense create attraction that will lead to him wanting much more than just a physical connection…

And will lead you both to connect with each other on a more lasting emotional level…

Then I suggest you check out the specifics I spell out in my eBook about the common behaviors that “cool girls” use to communicate with men and let them know they are “relationship material.”

You can download your free copy of my eBook and start reading it in literally minutes at the link below.

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

So, let’s keep talking about some of the important differences when it comes to communicating with a man, creating ATTRACTION, and growing towards something deeper.

Remember when I mentioned the idea of the “Cool Girl” earlier?

Well, “Cool Girls” understand the facts of life when it comes to how men can be different.

And what’s more… they make these differences work in their favor (and not against them like so many other unfortunate women).

It’s as if they’ve learned this unspoken “guy code” that most other women don’t even know is going on right in front of them.

Well, today I’m letting you in on some of these codes and guidelines… starting with a few of the big “Don’ts”:

“Cool Girl” DON’Ts:

- Cool Girls DON’T exaggerate about what’s going on around them or what a man’s doing, unless they’re doing it as a joke or to make fun of a man in a playful way.

- Cool Girls DON’T say everything that they’re feeling and experiencing. They think before they speak.   (Listen up to this one — it’s HUGE.)

- Cool Girls DON’T mention bad situations, issues or problems from the past unless it’s a total “must” or extremely important and they haven’t been able to talk about it yet. They find the right time for them AND their man to talk. Otherwise, Cool Girls live in the present moment.

- Cool Girls DON’T try to FORCE a man to talk about his feelings. They know that it will only backfire and he’ll think she’s being needy and close off.

Now, I know what you’re probably thinking:

“How can they act like that? It sounds like ‘Cool Girls’ are totally fake or devoid of all natural emotion.”

Wrong.

“Cool girls” still experience all of the same thoughts and feelings any normal healthy woman has…

But, they’ve CHOSEN to adopt a different kind of behavior that will ultimately get them the response that they’re looking for with the man.

They acknowledge the irrational ways of men and let that help shape their actions, which results in very powerful, very positive reactions from the men in their lives.

Simply put, they’ve got guys eating out of their hand, even in situations where other women would have caused emotional turmoil and “drama.”

And, isn’t that something that YOU would love to have too?

It’s not manipulative or diabolical…it’s just plain common sense.

So, what are some of these “cool girl” behaviors and ways of non-verbally communicating?

I’ll get to that in just a minute…

First, let’s take a look at a letter from a reader with the potential to be a “Cool Girl” … if only she could keep her emotions from ruling her decisions:

>>>Email From A Reader:

Hi Christian,   I just purchased your book and I have to say my eyes started to open in just a few pages.   I KNOW I’ve been making the mistake of being too emotional.    First of all, I should give you some background.   My boyfriend is in the Air Force and he’s stationed in San Antonio. I live in Los Angeles.

Being in a long distance relationship has been very hard on me. Especially since I’m not a patient person.

We run into trouble when I’m feeling sad about not seeing him and call him up expecting him to make me feel better. I’m assuming that I shouldn’t lean on him emotionally since he doesn’t respond when I do.

I know he’s worth waiting for. I just don’t want to do stupid girl things that will drive him away :)    I love him completely. I want this relationship to work!!!!

Please send me any advice you can give me.

christine.

>>>My Response:

Ok, repeat after me. “I’m Christine, and I’m an Emotion-a-holic.”

Very good.

Now, say it one more time.

As they say in 12-Step programs, admitting that you have a problem is the first step towards recovery.

The thing is, I’m joking around with you and calling you names around this serious situation for a specific reason…

Because you’re acting like a helpless little girl so I have to make fun of you to get you to realize it.

Stop it!

Now, get ready for some tough love…

You’re better than how you’re behaving, but in a sick kind of way, it’s easier for you to keep on initiating the only real problem you spelled out here in your relationship:

How you make your man be the one responsible for you and your negative feelings.

A boyfriend is there for a lot of things in a relationship, but to make you feel good each time you get sad or down is NOT HIS JOB!

I’ll repeat that in case you didn’t hear me the first time -

It’s NOT HIS JOB to save you from the feelings you have and make them go away.

That’s called DEPENDENCY, and it leads both people to frustration and resenting each other in the long run.

Translation – there’s little hope for any LASTING or mutually fulfilling love in a situation that involves one person dependent on the other for approval, validation, or to experience love or joy in life.

And, in case you don’t already know this, creating and fostering this kind of dependency is one of the surefire ways to kill off any ATTRACTION you might already have going in a relationship.

Have you ever been with a man and had AMAZING chemistry… but then it started to unravel and fall apart when you became afraid he wasn’t “feeling it for you” anymore?

Which of course only made things worse as you acted out of fear and uncertainty about him, his feelings, and where things were headed

If you recognize this kind of situation, or any of this kind of thinking or behavior in yourself, then there is help.

Go check out my Natural & Lasting Attraction CD/DVD program.

In it you’ll learn how to create the kind of ATTRACTION and EXCITEMENT with a man that’s not just Physical and “temporary”…

But, also the kind of ATTRACTION that lets a man KNOW, on a deep emotional level, that YOU are the one woman he HAS TO BE AROUND.

This program will explain from A to Z how ATTRACTION really works with a man… and how to make it LAST in the way few other women know.

A man does NOT decide that a woman is “the one” for him because she has great qualities, or because she likes to go to the same places he does, or even because she has a great body. (I know it seems like men can be shallow sometimes.)

The truth is, a man wants to be with a woman, and only her, because of the way she makes him FEEL when he’s around her.

In other words, how much ATTRACTION she makes him feel when he’s around her.

Of course, if you don’t know how to create a deep level of Physical and Emotional Attraction with a man, all the convincing, arguing, pleading, or bribing him won’t make up for it.

He just won’t feel it.

This program will show you exactly how this kind of deep and lasting attraction works and how you can create and experience it with the man in your life.

Best of all, this program spells out how to do it all in easy-to-understand language. You’ll find it full of REAL WORLD examples and exercises to get you started using the concepts and “skills” in the program successfully.

To see a free video clip and hear what other women have to say about this program, go here and check out all the details now:

Natural & Lasting Attraction

Now, let’s get back to the topic of being DEPENDENT (or “needy”) when dating or in relationships…

In case you don’t see it, a man helping you to feel better and satisfy your emotional needs can actually make you a WEAKER PERSON.

And not only that, it can keep you and your relationship from ever being able to GROW.

In fact, being emotionally dependent on another person can actually cause a good relationship to REGRESS.

Here’s something you need to remember, but sometimes forget when you’re inside an intense emotional situation with a man:

Relationships are supposed to be about growth, and not about becoming dependent on someone else meeting your emotional needs at any time you want it.

And, part of you knows this about living a strong, “real” relationship – that it can’t meet all your emotional needs.

But, part of you also wants and DEMANDS that a man acknowledge and satisfy your feelings and desires.

Part of you has the habit of wanting instant emotional gratification.

“Love on demand.”

Let me give it to you straight.

It’s a man’s place in a relationship to be a good partner, to care for you, to listen, to be a great lover, to connect, to be loyal, and to share.

I get than men need to “show up” more often in relationships.

But…

When you DEMAND that a man meet your emotional needs and “lean” on him out of your own fears, frustrations, and uncertainty… these problems are ALL YOUR OWN.

And the truth is most men will eventually become tired and fed up with a woman who is constantly DEMANDING emotional approval and understanding from him… instead of finding a way to create the experience so that both she AND he feel like they are having their needs met.

So, let’s take some positive steps, because things still aren’t so bad.

First, for your own good, you need to figure out WHY you’re “sad”, as you mentioned in your email.

And I mean why you’re sad personally, because I think a lot of what’s happening has nothing to do with the man in your life at all.

Sure he makes mistakes and doesn’t “get it”.

But, you can get past that.

You need to address the CAUSE of your feelings, and not keep trying to find “quick-fixes” for the symptoms.

Think about it, and see if there’s anything else in your life and in the past that could be making you feel sad – and then take some positive steps around those.

Secondly, it’s time to start acting like the smart, fun, mature, healthy woman that he knows and fell in love with.

She’s in there somewhere, and it’s up to you to find her. Don’t leave it up to him, because he might get tired of carrying the relationship’s emotional tone for you.

Here’s a few ideas about how to do that:

I want you to stop acting SO SERIOUS all the time and getting yourself EMOTIONALLY WORKED UP.

It sounds dumb, but please start smiling more.

Your body has a strange and powerful ability to affect your emotions.

Posture, breathing, activity and actual relaxation are other great ways to simply give yourself the gift of more positive emotions.

Ok, now back to your brain…

You’re escalating your own fears and frustrations and it’s doing something that could turn into a real destructive force in your relationship:

You’re creating a negative feedback loop that just gets worse and worse as it goes.

Let’s spell out what your feedback loop is so you can interrupt it and get to better things…

The more you feel sad, the more you give him sad and negative emotions.

And, the more negative emotions he gets from you, the less he’s able to stay happy and positive himself and have the energy and desire to draw you out of your girlish sadness and dependency on him for your feelings.

Which of course, only makes you feel more sad and helpless, so you turn to him more for help and around we go again.

Don’t let the NEGATIVE FEARS and EMOTIONS you have RUIN THE LOVE LIFE you could have.

Learning to stop negative patterns in your life and relationships is a “must-have” skill if you want to have lasting and loving relationships.

The thing is, most people know that relationships take work.

And long-distance relationships can feel like even more work and give back even less immediate “rewards.”

Every phone call seems to have life-or-death importance…

Every call, letter, and email is examined for subtext and clues.

Every weekend visit has to be PERFECT or you start to question everything.

It’s only natural to feel a little more “needy” or feel like your emotions are heightened all the time.

But, the trick is not to let these feelings overwhelm you.

If you do, they’ll cause you to REACT negatively to normal and natural situations.

When these negative reactions become common, they keep you from actually doing positive things
that would make him feel MORE ATTRACTED and CONNECTED to you.

And so the negative feedback loop continues.

A COMMON “EMOTIONAL CHALLENGE” IN RELATIONSHIPS

Most people don’t truly think about and appreciate the emotional “challenge” that comes with committing to a mature, long-term relationship like the one you’re working on…

I’ll bet that your relationship sometimes feels like just a lot of work and sadness to you.

And as much as it scares you to death, you know in the back of your mind that your man feels the same way and sees what’s happening.

He’s not stupid.

I’ll cut to the chase…

NOBODY wants their life or relationship to feel like it’s just a bunch of work.

And, a healthy-minded person will only stay around so long in a situation that just doesn’t work and isn’t going to change.

Especially if they’re trying to resolve a problem or feeling that isn’t really their own.

The sad feelings that you depend on your guy to fix create this situation in the worst way.

Not to mention that your sadness makes him see you as weak and much less ATTRACTIVE as a woman and partner.

In fact, as much as it stinks to hear, I’ve got to tell you that one reason it might be getting harder for your man to “pull you out” of your sadness is that he’s FEELING LESS ATTRACTED to you.

And with a man, LESS ATTRACTION leads to LESS EMOTIONAL CONNECTION and less emotional generosity.

Following me here?

I know it stinks, and I might be a jerk in your mind for saying it, but the good news is that it’s also easily fixed if you know how to get the real ATTRACTION you used to share back again.

And, I’m here to help. Get yourself a copy of my Natural & Lasting Attraction program right now and you WILL get this area of your life back on track.

I know you can, because I’ve helped TONS of other women just like you to go from frustrated and hopeless in their love life… to getting back the hope, the joy, and the confidence that comes from the certainty of knowing that a man is feeling a deep level of connection and attraction for you.

So don’t wait. Go to the link below and I’ll send you a free 30-day trial of this program.

If you don’t get everything you want out of this program and start getting the RESULTS you’re looking for with a man in your love life after working with the materials, then just send it back by the end of the trial and you won’t pay a thing.

No hassles.

Now’s the time to take the next step in your love life and make the connection, passion, and commitment a man has with you UNBREAKABLE because of how he FEELS when he’s around you.

Go here to watch some free video clips from the program and get your trial copy now:

Natural & Lasting Attraction

There’s something you’re not doing that you’re going to HAVE TO DO to stay sane and make it through this with your man…

You have to make A CONSCIOUS CHOICE about your feelings and your situation.

If you don’t, you’ll keep missing or killing all the opportunities for CONNECTION and FUN that still need to be going on between you two.

You see, the goal isn’t to keep yourself from having sad or negative feelings.

That would be impossible and “inhuman.”

Reality just doesn’t work that way, no matter how great your relationship is.

Instead, the goal is to get to a place where you can begin to observe how you’re feeling and then make conscious decisions using BOTH your emotions and your intellect.

When you get involved in a relationship, especially a long-term relationship, you’re CHOOSING to make some very important TRADE-OFFS.

Every once in a while, you need to remind yourself of these trade-offs, as it will give you a renewed understanding of the small sacrifices you’ve made for the good things in your life.

But, you keep going back and creating sad feelings for the situation that you chose.

Almost like these bad things just happened to you and you couldn’t do anything about them.

Again, stop playing the helpless woman.

Of course you’re going to feel sad, frustrated, and upset if you’re not recognizing that YOU chose this situation as a trade-off to continue with the great guy and relationship you’ve got.

Realize that you choose your life when it comes to most of the situations you find yourself in.

THE POWER OF CHOOSING TO CREATE ATTRACTION AND A POSITIVE CONNECTION WITH A MAN

What you’ve been doing in the past isn’t working for you or him, (not really) and it CAN’T feel good.

Do you really like the feeling you get when you dump your sad feelings on your boyfriend and he disappoints you sometimes with his response?

Makes you feel kind of low, right?

You said it yourself: when you’re feeling down, you call him, expecting him to make you feel better.

It’s not that he doesn’t care…

It’s that he doesn’t RESPOND to the way you communicate.

When men hear women getting emotional, they usually do one of two things:

1. Immediately go into “Action Mode” and try to “fix” the problem with concrete solutions (and that’s not usually what women want to hear)

2. SHUT DOWN

And I think you know which one happens more often from experience, right?

Well, either way, both of these responses never result in the comforting reaction that you might be looking for.

Can I get a witness?

So, let’s go back to this idea of “cool girls.”

“Cool girls” know how to communicate with a man in a way that leads a man to respond in a way that works.

So, no more of that nonsense talk from your email saying, “I’m not a patient person.”

You don’t have to be.

It just takes the emotional maturity to recognize that the trade-offs – that you yourself have already CHOSEN – are some of the challenges here.

Stop playing victim to your own choices and start finding reasons to be interesting and ATTRACTIVE to him again.

Your man WILL RESPOND in kind.

“Cool girls” know this.

Here’s a few of the “cool girl” Do’s:

- Cool girls choose not to complain or talk about things for too long that are not other people’s responsibility or impossible for anyone to solve, given the current situation.

- Cool girls bring funny positive thoughts and feelings to situations to create an experience that men will want to have again and again.

- Cool girls know that they don’t have to control much with the situation around them for their own comfort and to get the outcomes or responses they want. They’re willing to go with the flow when it comes to social things, but make assertions when they have opinions and ideas.

- Cool girls have options and things to do that keep them satisfied so they don’t feel like they’re left out if they’re not invited to something. (And even if the don’t they certainlydon’t complain about it or even mention it — they FIND something to do that makes them happy.)

- Cool girls prefer that a man makes up his own mind; they don’t try to make a man do something she says or she can tell he doesn’t want to do.

- Cool girls DO know that the way they feel and talk about themselves is how men will feel about them.

So, are YOU a “cool girl?”

Are you the kind of woman that men are “naturally” drawn to and want to be with… for more than just a fling?

Do you know what the other 92% of your communication (the non-verbal communication) is saying to a man?

And do you get how to say all the right things verbally and non-verbally to let him instantly know that you’re the kind of girl he’d like to connect with and fall in love with?

My eBook Catch Him And Keep Him teaches the most critical “real world” strategies you need to know to find and live the relationship you’ve always dreamed of.

It’s even got lots more psychological, emotional and behavioral insights about the “cool girl” that men naturally respond to in dating and relationships.

The entire first section of my book is THE definitive guide to understanding how attraction works for men and their natural (and sometimes irrational) biological differences that “cool girls” get.

Each page of this section is full of concepts and ideas to help you learn exactly what goes on inside a man’s mind, how attraction works for him and how to turn that initial connection into a lifelong commitment.

And, if that isn’t all you’re after, the second section of the book is all about the “emotional world” of men and women.

If you’ve ever wondered why a man reacted the way he did, why he withdrew, or why heresponded with frustration when all you were looking for was emotional connection, then you’ve got to read this section, too.

You can download my eBook and be reading it in just a few minutes by going here:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

Here’s the thing:

Every man can end up seeing a woman as “relationship material”… but, not every woman knows how to make this happen with her.

And every man can date a woman and end up in a relationship for a little while, but not every woman knows how to keep things growing through the good and the bad so that love and commitment LASTS.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

How can you tell if it’s too early to sleep with a man? And what can you do if you’ve ALREADYbeen physical and now he’s stopped calling for no apparent reason whatsoever?

I received an email from a reader who went through this exact situation.

I think you’ll “feel her pain” and see why I wanted to respond to her.

This sort of dreadful situation happens with lots of women, and it leaves them feeling helpless and bad about themselves and sometimes about men in general.

So, would you like to know what’s going on with a man in this situation and how to handle it?

Keep reading…

>>>> Question From A Reader

Hi Christian

I’ve just bought your book….I’m from Thailand and I appreciated your book so much. Unfortunately, I read the lesson about Thinking in Time Frames where you taught how to let a man wait for sex… but I’ve already made that mistake and had sex with him. I want a more serious relationship and I told him afterwards, but as you told me he would, he became impatient when we talked and it made me so frustrated and upset.

Now he’s acting distant. So, what should I do to rewire our relationship and make him see my worth?

I feel so disappointed about my actions. Christian, please help me.

Best regards,

J from Thailand

>>>>My Response

I want to give you a big hug… and then a hard dose of REALITY.

Ok, listen closely.

Here’s something you NEVER EVER want to forget.

It’s the real truth about how most men think when it comes to sex and “dating” in casual and UNCOMMITTED relationships…

Ready?

Just because a man has sex with a woman, it doesn’t mean that he’s spent even a second of his time deciding whether or not he wants to be with her or have a relationship in the future.

In other words… a man’s not going to ever “see your worth” just because you’ve slept with him.

And more to the point, it is NOT the Physical Attraction a man feels for a woman, and getting close to her physically, that makes a man really “feel it” for you and want more.

Sex does NOT equal a relationship for a man.

In fact, since you don’t seem to be getting what’s going on with men at all… I’m going to tell you that you need to think of sex and relationships as two completely different things which have nothing to do with one another.

What makes a man “see your worth” and end up FEELING so strongly for you that he wants a real relationship is something other than sex and PHYSICAL desire and ATTRACTION.

Got it?

Ok, good.

Here’s the thing…

I don’t know if you see this, but you’ve moved on to wanting “something serious” right after you and he had sex- thinking that sex of course means there SHOULD be a relationship and he should feel the same way about you.

Not true.

The decision to have sex with a woman often has NOTHING to do with whether a man has decided that he wants to “date” you more seriously.

And sure… it would be nice if men were different and didn’t take sex so lightly.

And it would be great if a man let you know how he felt and what he really wanted before he slept with you…

But that’s not the reality of how men think.

Here’s another thing you need to understand-

I’m willing to bet that you’re not entirely innocent here, either.

You contributed to the situation, too.

Let me ask you…

Were you up-front and honest about what you were looking for BEFORE you slept with him?

Did you say to him-

“If we sleep together, I’m going to want a relationship.”

Or…

“I only sleep with a man if he already values me and sees me for the amazing woman that I am.”

My guess is no, you didn’t say anything like that.

You probably did what lots of women do in the “casual dating” situation when it comes to sex-

You gave him NO impression about whether you were in it for the fun and connection of it all with him, or for something more “serious.”

You thought the act of sex alone would speak for itself.

Wrong.

Here a few of the mistakes women make that get them into tough situations like yours:

-Not saying anything about what it means for you to share yourself with him because you keep telling yourself that he feels the same way you do… and you assume he wants a relationship because he wants to sleep with you

-Not saying anything about your feelings or about wanting a relationship because you thought it might “weird him out” or make it awkward.

-Not knowing exactly know how you feel and what sleeping with him will mean to you until AFTER you sleep with him and a whole rush of feelings hits you like a tidal wave

If you’ve ever felt hurt because you became physical with a man and he ended up not having an interest in “dating” or starting a relationship, then odds are you can look back and see that you did one or more of the things above.

Of course, it doesn’t seem like it’s you who is making a mistake in these situations.

It feels like THE MAN you’re with is the one who obviously doesn’t get it, and is a player for not being ready for a relationship.

Unfortunately, this is the exact kind of thinking that makes it so frustrating and difficult for some women to figure out how to move from just “dating” a guy to becoming physical and starting an exclusive, committed
relationship.

If you’re like lots of women, you been “caught up” in that moment and ended up sleeping with a man you weren’t in a relationship with, thinking that you’re ok with it… and that it will be a good thing.

But then your true feelings snuck up on you and you started to freak out and feel awful when you saw that the man you shared yourself with wasn’t on the same page (wanting a relationship).

You created EXPECTATIONS from the situation that he had no part in deciding about or even discussing, and now he’s freaked because you’re confronting him with what YOU feel and what he SHOULD want, when he hasn’t even figured that out for himself yet.

Which leaves him wondering how he’s going to backpeddle out of this one…

GIVING AWAY YOUR “SELF” TO A MAN

I’ve got an important question for you…

Who made this guy the final judge of your “worth” as a woman?

The answer:

You did.

So cut it out. He’s obviously not the one who holds the true measure of your worth… and he can neither give you your worth, nor can he take it away.

But I’ll let you in on a little secret.

I bet I know WHY you slept with him even though in reality you weren’t really comfortable with doing so…

You did it because you were seeking his LOVE and APPROVAL… but doing it in the worst kind of way.

You’re waiting and wanting HIM to be the strong, masculine man who will lead YOU into open and unrestrained love.

That way you can SURRENDER to the deep kind of love that you truly desire from a man.

Unfortunately, that’s not what’s happening or how he FEELS with you right now.

But deep down, you believe that if you can come up with enough “proof” that he should love and value you, and if you can make things “perfect” between you two, then he’ll become the open and loving man you imagine him to be.

That’s not how love, or relationships work.

It’s time for the little girl who’s seeking a man’s approval in order to experience love to grow up.

It’s time for you to stop hoping that a man will become the man you want him to be, when he is CLEARLY showing you that he doesn’t even have a clue about what love is or how be with a woman.

You’ve gotta stop banking on what you think this relationship COULD BE, and what I call his “future potential” and start opening your eyes to WHAT IS.

You’re so wrapped up in his perspective, what he’s doing, his feelings, his emotions and his desires (or lack thereof) that you’ve all but forgotten about something WAY MORE IMPORTANT.

What YOU really want.

I’ll take a wild guess here and bet that the kind of guy that you truly want isn’t a guy who is going to freak out or act distant just because you’re telling him how you’re feeling after you’ve already slept together.

Of course not.

So why are you wasting your energy trying to plead with him and CONVINCE him just so you can get the love and approval of someone who acts like a person you don’t even want to be with?!

That’s right, you DON’T want to be doing this, but you don’t feel like you can help yourself right now.

There’s a better way…

Let’s move on to figuring out what to do NOW…

LOVE, SEX AND THE MIND OF THE “MASCULINE MAN”

I’m going to give you a short lesson on the quasi-biological reasons men act the way they do when it comes to sex.

Pay careful attention here.

Each person has a certain balance of masculine and feminine “energy.”

Obviously, men have more masculine and women have more feminine, but every person can have a little of both.

The feminine energy grows with connection and love, and with “surrender” to all kinds of joyful experiences.

This is often why women feel a sense of connection and surrendering with sex, and often have deeper feelings for a man afterwards.

But the masculine energy doesn’t work this way. At least the “darker” part of a man.

The masculine energy seeks CHALLENGE and a feeling of “emptiness” and “freedom.”

Have you ever heard a man talk about how he wanted his “freedom”… and you wondered what in the world he was talking about?

This “freedom” or emptiness is actually the masculine means of surrender and fulfillment.

Just as the feminine means is connection and loving.

Ever noticed that lots of men fall right to sleep or act like they’re off somewhere else after sex?

It’s because the tension of reaching their “challenge” (sex) is released, and now they feel a sense of emptiness and freedom from that tension.

With sex, a man doesn’t automatically “surrender” to love and connection the way a woman does… unless he LEARNS to.

And here’s another way of looking at it…

Have you noticed that most men don’t have the same strong drive to be deeply and unwaveringly CONNECTED to the people around them like most women do?

They don’t call their friends and talk on the phone on a regular basis and they don’t worry about how “close” their relationships to their friends and family are at any given moment.

Oftentimes, they’re driven by something that has nothing to do with love, intimacy and connection.

Yeah, I know. Men seem CRAZY and messed up and different.

But men don’t have to be bizarre and strange this way.

Men can become more emotionally-conscious and aware of what’s going on around them in love and relationships.

And if they have a woman who “gets it”, something amazing can happen-

If a man has those intense strong feelings that make him feel physically and EMOTIONALLY CONNECTEDto a woman… then she can lead and challenge him in ways that will make him grow into a great lover and partner.

For instance, a woman can help a man understand how to finally find the “freedom” he looks for in a new way- through LOVE and connected experience.

THE FEELING YOU NEED TO CREATE INSIDE A MAN BEFORE YOU HAVE SEX

Here’s the thing…

Yes, you might have “goofed” by being physical with him too early.

You know, before you were clear about what YOU wanted, so that you wouldn’t get hurt if you found
out he didn’t want the same thing.

But stop being so hard on yourself. It’s the past, and it’s not the problem now.

The real problem now is something entirely different.

Sleeping or being physical with a man is NOT a bad thing.

But FIRST you’ve got to CREATE the right FEELINGS inside him- feelings that have nothing to do with SEX- for sex to end up truly bringing you closer in love.

A man won’t “fall” for you just because you’ve slept together. Although, it’s likely that YOU will feel more bonded to him after sleeping with him.

It’s part of the biological make-up of a woman and a man. It’s the way things are “wired.”

So you want to know how to “re-wire” things?

First of all, stop hoping the fact that you’ve had sex to magically win him over into being an open and loving partner like you are.

Then go back and read the section in Chapter 8 of my e-book called “Triggering A Deeper Level Of Attraction In A Man.”

What you need to know is there.

In it, I explain in detail what that OTHER kind of ATTRACTION is that goes deeper than just the everyday PHYSICAL ATTRACTION a man can feel for you…

Plus, I show you HOW to make a man start experiencing this other kind of attraction for you, and what to do to keep that feeling inside him growing more and more intense to the point where he can’t help but want to be with you and only you.

When a man feels ATTRACTION for you in this way, then he will become EMOTIONALLY CONNECTED to you on a deeper level than he ever could simply through his physical desire for you.

You know a man has intense physical desires.

That’s easy.

But have you taken the time to learn how the deeper, more “relationship-oriented” feelings and emotions are created inside him?

The feelings that make a man want to be with one woman in a committed relationship are different than what makes A WOMAN open to exploring a relationship.

If you’re reading this and haven’t downloaded a copy of my e-book yet, be sure to go here and be reading that section within minutes:

Catch Him and Keep Him

But let’s keep going and I’ll touch on a few of the same points that are in there.

Ever thought about what a man really wants in a woman?

I’m talking about mature, healthy men here. Not “man-boys” or “players”, who have a totally different agenda altogether.

**Men want someone that they feel deeply ATTRACTED to.**

They want to have that feeling of WANTING a woman.

They want to worship her, to please her, to ravish her, and to sweep her off her feet with their physical and emotional presence.

And for the woman to be utterly and completely taken with them and what they do.

So, what happens when men act like they’re not interested in anything serious or don’t want a relationship or their too busy to have one… or any other of a list of lame excuses they give you?

This happens because most women don’t create the experience that will make a man FEEL this way.

Plain and simple.

A man is looking for that “WOW!” experience with a woman.

And when he doesn’t feel it, there’s nothing a woman who doesn’t make him FEEL this way can do or say to make him want something more with her.

He just loses interest and moves on.

The other thing to know is that men have something that I call the “Pursuit Gene.”

There’s a drive in men that makes them want to be CHALLENGED… and to overcome that challenge.

I know it sounds clich‚, but it’s true.

Men want to be challenged by the idea of meeting, attracting, and pursuing a woman.

And then they want to win the woman over and feel stronger as a man for having done it.

Men will meet this challenge in one of two ways -

1. They’ll find fulfillment from the feeling of “freedom” and emptiness by physically being with a woman in the short-term (sex)

2. They find connection and love by physically AND emotionally being with the woman in a deeper and “longer-term” way (relationship)

Here’s the AMAZING part…

A woman helps him choose which it will be with her.

Interesting…

The point is, men LOVE the chase.

It’s part of their genetic make-up.

But if a woman loses control emotionally, seeks HIS APPROVAL or thinks she can trade sex to receive love before a man is experiencing an intense desire to WIN HER OVER and to be with her, then something bad happens.

The man loses that feeling of excitement and challenge with her.

He recognizes that the woman has already given over physical and emotional CONTROL to him.

Which destroys the strongest “lead-in” to creating lasting love with a man.

What is that “lead-in”?

ATTRACTION.

Men want to feel ATTRACTION.

They don’t want a woman to try to convince them that what they’re experiencing and feeling should be meaningful and loving.

No. That’s not how men work.

Instead, they want to FEEL their desire for a woman inside their whole body, emotionally driving them, and for it to be undeniable and unrelenting.

Get where I’m going here?

So if you don’t allow a man to FEEL that desire, to feel like he can’t stop thinking about you and wanting you BEFORE you sleep with him, it’ll won’t create a situation where he’s going to want anything more than a fleeting sexual experience.

There is a way to get a man FEELING it for you.

There are specific behaviors and attitudes that make a woman literally IRRESISTIBLE to a man, so that he will feel that strong desire to be with you before, during and the all-important AFTER getting physically intimate with him.

And he will not only be “open” to talking about something deeper and more meaningful with you, he’ll INSIST on it.

In fact, I’ve put together an entire program about what it is that makes a man fall madly for you because he just can’t stop thinking about you and wanting you.

This program is Natural & Lasting Attraction and in it, I explain exactly what a woman can do and say to push all the “right buttons” to create EMOTIONAL attraction.

I also reveal little-known secrets such as:

-How to spot and identify an immature man QUICKLY so you never again waste your time on someone who
doesn’t deserve you

-The 5 things about a woman that a man is genetically programmed to be attracted to… and how to quickly let a man know you possess ALL these qualities

-The mysterious “missing ingredient” that makes a man interested in MUCH MORE than just a short fling or affair

-And tons more…

I explain it all right here in a special letter I wrote about “Natural & Lasting Attraction” that you can read right now by clicking here:

Natural & Lasting Attraction

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love,

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

P.S. As with all my programs, “Natural & Lasting Attraction” is yours FREE to try out for a full month before you need to pay anything.

I even pay to ship the order to you, so there are no “hidden costs.”

You don’t have to keep it or pay for it if you don’t think it’s the most revolutionary relationship advice you’ve ever heard. Simply return within the first month and you won’t be charged a dime.

You have nothing to lose, and so much to gain once you start doing what really works to make a man find you IRRESISTIBLE to the point that he has to be the one man who gets your time and attention.

Go here now:

Natural & Lasting Attraction

Do you ever feel frustrated that men don’t know what they want when it comes to love and relationships?

Even when you and a man are already physical, affectionate, and having an amazing time together?

What’s going on here?

Are men really this clueless and frustrating?

In case you haven’t figured this one out for yourself, here’s an important piece of info about how men can be when it comes to “dating” and relationships:

A man can be DOING all the things that say he’s interested and wants more with you… but be FEELING like HE’S NOT READY or wanting more in terms of a RELATIONSHIP at the same time.

Crazy, right?

It’s enough to drive a woman mad.

And what’s worse… a man can DO all kinds of things with you from hang out to take things to a sexual level… but he won’t COMMUNICATE about what he’s really FEELING.

At least not until after the fact. (After he decides things aren’t “working” and he’s not ready for a serious relationship.)

Ever had a man get close to you and spend lots of time with you… but then he couldn’t get a word out about how he was feeling and what he wanted?

If you know what I’m talking about here, then you know that not-so-great feeling you get when you’re sharing an amazing connection with the man in your life but…

Out of nowhere he does a complete 180 and tells you he doesn’t like your situation or something really important about YOU.

And he’s already made up his mind to LEAVE.

Arrghhhhhh!

Frustrating, right?

You didn’t even get the chance to know or talk about what was going on inside his head.

How in the world did he think things were supposed to end up working?

Were you supposed to read his mind!?

I get that it must feel IMPOSSIBLE sometimes to get close to a man and have a real relationship.

Well, it’s not.

Tons of other women like you have gone from where you are now to having an easy time communicating with the men in their lives and growing from that UNCERTAIN area of the first few dates to a loving and secure relationship.

I’ve helped plenty of women create that “shift” in their dating life or their relationship that now PREVENTS these frustrating things from happening.

And now I want to share some real-world insights with you about how men think… and how to make things with that right man work for you.

WHY MEN DON’T CALL AGAIN AFTER GREAT DATES

I probably don’t have to tell you that men do this “suddenly pulling away” thing in all different situations from “casual” dating to committed relationships.

And they do it without warning, and for what seems like no good reason at all.

How many times have you gone on a first or second date with a man and had an absolutely fantastic time…

And you were sure he was going to call and felt as strongly about you as you did him…

You had both laughed and found so many things you had in common…

You felt relaxed and confident, and you BOTH had a good time flirting and getting to know one another.

Best of all, that magic chemistry you can only share with the right kind of guy was there. And it was INTENSE.

When you went home after being with him, you were 100% SURE he would call and ask you out again.

He had even said “I’ll call you” as he left.

But then a few days went by… and nothing.

Several days later, after you had wondered about him more than you’d like to admit… you came to the realization that he was NEVER going to CALL.

What’s the deal here!?

Why did he act like it was such a great date… and even say that he’d call you later, when he obviously didn’t plan on it?

Did he lie simply because it was easier in the moment and he didn’t want to hurt your feelings?

And was there something strange going on inside HIM he didn’t want to share, show you, or be honest about?

Or was there something else?

Something you missed that he saw in YOU?

Was there something YOU DID or said that was the REAL REASON he didn’t feel compelled to see you again?

If you’re like a LOT of single women, this sort of thing where a man never calls or makes plans with you again has not only happened to you once, but it’s happened to you a few times.

You’ve spent time with a man who seemed like he could have been great “relationship material”, and who showed all the signs of wanting to grow close to you and get to know you better…

But when push came to shove, he PULLED AWAY for what seemed like no good reason at all.

And he was never available to you to talk about it or tell you why.

Which means… for all the times this has happened to you, a part of you has NEVER learned anything about WHY these things keep happening to you.

Part of you simply feels like you’re “cursed” when it comes to love… and that things just aren’t fated to work out for you with true love.

But, if you’re like lots of women I’ve talked to and helped, then part of you has also made up your own “stories” for WHY these things happened to try and make yourself feel better.

Stories like:

-”He wasn’t that great anyway.”

-”It wasn’t really meant to be.”

-”You’ll find someone better.”

-”It was his loss.”

Recognize any of these?

The reality is that we often make up these “stories” in our lives when we let our FEAR of what the REAL TRUTH about us might be keep us from looking for and finding out who and what we really are… and how others see us.

So let me ask you:

What if a man whom you really and truly liked and connected with was willing to tell you THE TRUTH about why he really never called you again?

Would you be able to listen to him with an open mind and an open heart?

Would you be able to believe him?

And would you be willing to do anything about it if what he said was honest and real?

See, lots of women know they aren’t getting the “whole story” from a man… but on a deeper level they aren’t OPEN to hearing his reason WHY because of the PAIN that could come from it.

And it’s this FEAR of being hurt or feeling unloved or unappreciated that pushes them to both create a less painful “story”… and try and get over it and forget about the situation as quickly as possible.

It’s ironic, isn’t it – that the very thing that can keep you from learning, growing, and creating what you want is often your own unwillingness to hear the REAL STORY about yourself from another person’s perspective (a man’s in this case)?

Considering this, here’s the real question for you:

What if there was a real reason why a man didn’t call to ask you out again?

Like that he REALLY WAS interested in you… but something else got in the way of him being able to see you and feel comfortable with you.

If this was the case, and knowing what this mistake was could help you avoid ever making the same mistake again… wouldn’t you want to know what it was?

What if it was something you were doing on an unconscious level that you couldn’t even see about yourself that was causing you to lose the chance to start an incredible connection with a great guy?

What if it was you who blew it because of some small misunderstanding or “glitch” going on inside you that is so EASY TO FIX that you’ll wonder why it was ever a problem for you in the first place?

There’s something I need you to understand right now…

If there is something you might be doing to get in your own way, odds are that you are 100% UNAWARE of what that thing is, and what’s causing it.

After all, the reason you don’t know what’s getting in your way in the first place is because the mistake you’re making is something that happens completely UNCONSCIOUSLY.

Don’t believe me yet?

I’ll explain how it works like this…

I’m sure you’ve seen it where a girlfriend of yours went on a date with a guy she really liked – and she was completely intent on things really working out with him – even though they had only been getting to know each other for a very short while.

But the more you saw how your girlfriend was thinking about and approaching the whole situation, the more that part of you knew that the man she was dating would instantly lose interest when he picked up on how she was thinking and feeling (UNCERTAIN and INSECURE).

And guess what happened?

Exactly…

The man did pick up on it, and he stopped calling and making plans with her all of a sudden.

It was over. And she was devastated.

You tried to talk to her about it.

But you knew that there was something that your girlfriend just couldn’t see about herself that had made this guy get that weird awkward “Eeeewwww” feeling when he was around her that had pushed him away.

Even you would have been turned off by this kind of thing in someone you had started dating.

And even though you tried to hint at what you saw and explain it to your girlfriend… she just wasn’t having anything to do with the fact that how SHE was thinking and acting was the reason he lost interest.

Instead, she was FIXATED on HIM.

Here’s the thing:

We all have our own “blind spots” – things that we do in our lives that WORK AGAINST US that we can’t see for ourselves, but that are obvious to others when they look at our lives from the outside.

I’m going to suggest to you that if you’re having some of the same problems and frustrations over and over with men as you’re dating or in relationships…then what’s important is NOT the belief you might have about how men are so messed up and don’t “get it.”

What’s important is you getting to the bottom of YOUR PART in these situations that are keeping you from creating what you want – YOUR BLIND SPOTS.

That way, you never have to wonder again.

AND… best of all, you can start making LOVE come together and work for you in your life.

Wouldn’t it be great to be able to have a connection with a man effortlessly grow into a deeper relationship?

And have that deeper relationship quickly grow into something SECURE and LASTING not because it had to be… but because a man was just that wild about you and had to be with you and stay with you?

THE SUREFIRE WAY TO TURN A GUY OFF AFTER THE FIRST FEW DATES

Let me ask you:

What are those things that even your best friends see in you and try to tell you, but you just don’t listen to or believe about yourself?

What are the things that are true about how you end up acting when you get close to a man and you lose your composure?

I want to tell you that you aren’t alone when it comes to feeling this way and having “blind spots.”

You could be having a hard time just getting to experience dates #2 and 3 with a guy, because you rarely get asked out after a first date.

Men just didn’t seem to want to follow up and explore things with you…

Which leads me to an interesting question I hear sometimes from the women who write to me – what do dates #2 and #3 MEAN to a man?

If he asks you out on a second or third date, does that mean he’s interested in having a real relationship?

Maybe. Here’s the deal:

When a man asks you out for a second or third date, what it means is that he’s interested in getting to know you better, because he felt a good connection with you on date #1.

It doesn’t mean that he necessarily wants to be “exclusive” or is thinking “serious relationship.”

He’s STILL just getting to know you.

One of the BIGGEST MISTAKES women make early on in a dating situation is they assume that there is a “relationship” when in fact the thought hasn’t even crossed the man’s mind.

He’s enjoying your company, getting to know you, starts wondering about you, and meanwhile, you’re already thinking ahead to the next few months when this is the ONLY man you’re seeing and things are “serious.”

You’ve already made a decision about this guy, and you don’t even know him that well yet. All you’re doing is going by your “gut feeling” and the chemistry you feel when you’re with him.

So you start acting on that “feeling” and you begin to make certain assumptions about what’s going on between you.

This can send a really bad “vibe” to a guy, especially when you ASSUME you’re going to be seeing each other every weekend, when you express your annoyance with him when he doesn’t call you more often, and when you assume a monogamous relationship instead of actually DISCUSSING it.

I call this the “Instant Relationship” syndrome and it can be the difference between never getting past date #2 or 3 with a guy, or connecting way past dating and into a committed, amazing relationship.

Now…

Here’s another question about dating and relationships I get asked a lot… and I’m sure you can relate.

Women will come up to me and say, “Christian, all this dating advice is great, but I don’t understand why I can’t just BE MYSELF and still attract Mr. Right.”

The answer is, you CAN be yourself, and really you SHOULD be.

But how do you know that the way you “are” around a man is the “best” and most attractive you?

I believe that ALL women have the natural power and ability to be confident, playful and wildly attractive to a man.

The problem is that because of the baggage of past bad relationships, hurtful feelings or not understanding how men think makes women SUPPRESS that natural ability to ATTRACT and engage a man in a way where he can’t help but want to spend time with her – and want to commit to her.

What if you could UNLOCK your natural ability to attract the right man by learning what it is that makes HIM desire to be with you and ONLY you?

What if you knew the secrets to how men think and behave, so you could finally relax and BE YOURSELF and draw a man to you without all that “convincing” about how he should be with you?

When a man starts telling you “I care about you, but I’m not ready for a relationship right now” it’s special man-speak for “I’m not that attracted to you, deep down.”

Now, wouldn’t KNOWING that spare you a lot of wasted time and energy, trying to figure out what “care about you” really means, and whether or not there’s something you could do or say to get him to want to date you?

Unfortunately, a lot of women don’t have that basic understanding about men, and so they spend endless hours analyzing what a guy does or says and whether or not he’s really being honest with his feelings.

Believe me, if a man feels that DEEP EMOTIONAL CONNECTION with you, he won’t even worry about what else is going on in his life.

He’ll want to be around you and want to have something meaningful and long-lasting with you.

These kinds of misunderstandings about men can be the ROOT CAUSE of why you’re no getting past a few dates with the men you’re really attracted to and interested in.

What if you could know, without a doubt, what kinds of things are the real attraction-killers for men?

What if you knew how to talk to a man so that he saw you as fun and interesting, instead of needy or critical or just too “bossy”?

In my Inside the Mind of a Man program, I take you IN-DEPTH to why men do the things they do, why they say the things they say to a woman.

Think for a moment about where you would be if you had an amazing, mature, great guy in your life.

Would you feel more confident if you knew:

> Exactly what to say and do so that your man would ALWAYS feel that staying with you was more than worth it, even when you had challenges, fights, and disagreements?

> How to keep from feeling unintentionally hurt by little things he says and does… because you’ll understand him better than he understands himself?

Think about it.

Wouldn’t your love life be 100 times better if you only understood certain things about men?

Things like:

> Why men cheat and how to affair-proof your relationship

> What men really need in order to feel “in love”

> What men wish women understood about them

> Why men often seem to withdraw after an argument or conflict

If you haven’t been able to make a relationship work with a man, then I would like to suggest you order your free trial copy of my Inside the Mind of a Man program today.

You’ll learn the answer to ALL those questions, and a whole lot more.

You can try it for 30 days without paying a cent.   If you don’t feel it’s a valuable program, simply return it before the trial ends and pay nothing.

No strings, no hassles.

And if you haven’t read my ebook yet, make sure you download it right now. My “Catch Him & Keep Him” ebook will give you all the basics you need to know about men when it comes to dating, why men behave the way they do in relationships and what you can do to avoid common mistakes you may be making.

You can read it and use the material out of the ebook for 7 days before deciding if you want to keep it and pay for it.

It’s no risk, just like ALL my products.

So download my Catch Him & Keep Him ebook now and be reading it in just a few minutes here:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

I’ll talk to you again soon and best of luck in Life and Love,

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Here goes…

Ever notice how a man will “court” you, pursue you, and do all kinds of amazing and romantic things to win your heart as you’re getting to know each other…

But, after a little while, the romance, passion, and intimacy that he used to create and be so excited about starts to “fizzle out” once you’re into a committed relationship?

If you’ve ever found yourself in a situation with a man who you knew was a great guy but he started acting immature, depended on you for too many things (and didn’t appreciate you for them), and all the while you kept giving more and more to try and make things work better and keep you closer… then you don’t want to miss this email.

I’m about to let you know the real reasons why men in relationships so often act this way… and what to do about it.

I’m also about to explain why so many women end up in unfulfilling relationships with men who “TAKE TAKE TAKE”, and why these women so often end up getting little back for all their efforts.

First off, tell me if this sounds at all familiar…

You meet a great guy and you start dating.

The “chemistry” is simply AMAZING and you can’t believe how into connecting and sharing he is… even on that emotional level where other men often fall flat.

You spend time together and keep growing closer, and you start to believe that maybe you’ve finally found that amazing friend, companion and lover all in one.

He’s so open and caring… listens and pays attention to you and what’s going with you in a way that few men you’ve met can.

Your connection is unbelievable.

You both know you can count on each other in ways that feel like you’re closer than you have been with a man in a long, long time.

Since you’re both so close, he starts to depend on you for a few things in his life… and you’re happy to help him since you really care about him and are a generous and loving person.

But, as time goes on, something starts to slowly “shift.”

It starts with small things…

He starts acting a little differently, and stops doing a lot of the things he used to do that made you admire and respect him.

Somehow, he seems less confident, present, and “connected” with you.

And then you notice…

There’s something different about how he depends on you, and it sets off your “radar.”

You start to wonder if how he is with you is entirely healthy.

You start to feel “drained” with him and with the relationship more and more… but you know that a relationship is about give and take, so you keep giving and have faith that things are going fine.

More time passes and you start to notice something else…

You see that he isn’t becoming more appreciative of all the things you’re doing for him and your relationship.

In fact, it feels like he’s starting to take more and more of it for granted.

Actually, he seems LESS APPRECIATIVE of you and your relationship in general.

He starts asking and depending on you even more, without any real thanks or reciprocation.

The more he does this, the more you sense that there’s a kind of needy “childishness” inside him that’s becoming clearer.

You want to be there for him and be a great partner… but you also want that fun, strong, playful, loving, confident man back who was there before things changed.

With all this going on, you’re not exactly sure of what to do about it or what’s going on for him that’s making him act this way.

He doesn’t seem to pay you the same attention, give the same affection and support that you give him, and it’s starting to feel unfair and bother you.

Your relationship is starting to feel like it’s all about making sure “he’s” happy.

Which of course doesn’t leave much room for what’s going on for YOU.

You know things can’t go on this way if your relationship is going to work and be something worthwhile and “real.”

He’s got to see what’s going on and stop being so self-involved.

You know that he’s had some challenges in his own life and maybe he just doesn’t see what’s going on. So, you decide to not make a big deal out of it. But, you know that something needs to change… soon.

So, you finally decide to talk to him about what’s going on.

You go over in your head again and again what you’re going to say to him and what’s been going on for the last several months.

You’re sure that he’ll see what’s been happening and all the things you’ve been doing for him and the relationship, and he’ll give you some understanding.

But when you talk to him, it doesn’t work out this way… AT ALL.

Instead of hearing you and your intentions to get things back to a better place between you two, he just becomes frustrated, irritated and DEFENSIVE with you.

Instead of hearing you, he makes you feel like you’re “nagging” him and creating “drama.”

He even acts like you’re the one being ridiculous and withdraws from you.

Does any of this sound familiar to you?

This situation where you know you’re giving and getting less than nothing back STINKS.

And unfortunately, it’s a common experience lots of women have in relationships with men.

Now, there are about 50 things I could tell you about how men are at fault and create these problems for themselves and for you in your relationship.

But the reality is that you’ve already spent hours thinking about this before and have a lot of your own ideas about it.

That is partially why I’m NOT going to talk about what’s going on with men here and what to do about it.

At least not yet.

Right now we’re going to talk about YOU.

Why?

Because thinking about YOURSELF is the first step towards real GROWTH and AWARENESS in EVERY RELATIONSHIP you have in your life.

You could spend days, weeks, months or years worrying about a man, what he thinks, and why he does the things he does.

But if you want to be smart…

And you want relationships to start “working” for you, instead of seeming like a neverending source of frustration and disappointment trying to get a man to make the relationship work…

Then you’ll make sure you have things handled for yourself first.

And that way you’ll have the CERTAINTY that only comes from understanding what’s happening in the relationship around you… and what YOU need to do in each situation that comes up with a man.

THE ONE QUESTION THAT CAN CHANGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN INSTANTLY

If you’re at the most basic levels of what I call “emotional maturity” in your life, then you’ve started to recognize something very important and significant about yourself…

You’ve recognized that you have a few PATTERNS coming up in your relationships.

Of course, some of these patterns are positive traits that bring benefits, center around your personal preferences, and involve things you bring into your life CONSCIOUSLY and for good reason.

But the reality is these aren’t the only kind of patterns you have in your life.

You also have a special group of “negative patterns.”

Patterns that you save just for MEN.

So, let me ask you a very simple question.

It’s a question that could very well change the course of your love life IMMEDIATELY once you answer it.

Here’s the question -

Do you know your “negative patterns” in relationships with men?

You might have a few of these that you already know about that you can rattle off in your head right now without really thinking about it.

THESE ARE NOT THE PATTERNS I’M LOOKING FOR TO IMPROVE YOUR LOVE LIFE.

You already know about these patterns and this knowledge still doesn’t seem to be helping you if you’re running into the same issues and situations again and again.

Which is why it’s obvious that “what” you already know isn’t going to help you learn and grow past these situations with men for good.

You need to expand your PERSPECTIVE.

That’s why I’m looking for the patterns that you DON’T see right now, and that you aren’t CONSCIOUS of.

Here’s where we’re going to take ACTION…

Right now, I want you to give yourself the time and space for the next 5 minutes to think about your own patterns in your past or present relationships with men.

And, I want you to put everything else aside just for a few short moments while you focus on YOURSELF.

By the way, if you don’t have time to do this now, then you probably never will.

And I know it’s a simple question, but the AWARENESS and GROWTH that can come from your answer is what’s going to change your love life immediately.

So now that you’ve made the time, I want you to think about the following -

I want you to come up with at least TWO of your own negative relationship patterns with men.

And I don’t just mean patterns that are really about men… such as “I always pick men who are clueless about loving relationships.”

This is focusing on HIM, not YOU.

I mean something like “I meet men and quickly spend all my time with them. But soon I see that I’ve “lost myself” and I am not able to have a healthy balance. And inevitably, we end up breaking up and I resent all the time I spent on the relationship and him, instead of spending more time on myself.”

That’s one common example lots of women have experienced.

Now, it’s your turn.

I want you to come up with 2 other patterns that have to do with YOU and things that come from YOUR THINKING or BEHAVIOR.

I’m going to give you a few minutes to do it now.

…

…

…

I’m going to give you another minute to make sure you have your two patterns.

OK. So now you have two clear patterns of your own in your head.

Take out a pen and a piece of paper right now and write down the patterns you identified.

Do it now, I’ll wait.

…

…

Good.

I want you to keep this piece of paper somewhere you can look at it again in a few days or weeks.

It will be important to look at what you wrote down again at least once in the next few days.

DEVELOPING CONSCIOUSNESS TO MOVE PAST YOUR NEGATIVE AND SELF-DEFEATING “PATTERNS” IN RELATIONSHIPS WITH MEN

Now that you’ve got your two negative patterns, here’s where things are going to start coming together for you…

First, I need you to get away from a dangerous kind of thinking that ALL WOMEN engage in when it comes to men, dating and relationships.

I call it “All-or-Nothing Thinking.”

Do you know any women who talk about how their relationship is hopeless and a complete failure…

And then a few hours or days later they have shifted 180 degrees to where EVERYTHING is great?

What does this say about the woman who thinks and feels this way?

What kind of relationship and communication “skills” does a woman like this have?

And how do you think a man experiences this kind of thinking and behavior… and what does it say to him about a woman?

Of course, this is an extreme example of “All-or-Nothing Thinking.”

Unfortunately, the more common “All-or-Nothing Thinking” is subtle and difficult to recognize.

Especially when YOU are the one having the thoughts.

So, let me ask you…

When you look at your pattern, is there a negative trait or habit of yours that stands out as the one that gets you into trouble the most?

I’m certain there is.

I want you to identify at least one of your greatest WEAKNESSES that shows up in your life through your negative patterns.

I’ll give you a minute to write this down next to the pattern it’s associated with.

Go ahead.

…

…

OK. Now there’s something I want you to think about…

It makes sense to cut this negative trait or habit that’s associated with your pattern out of your relationship and behavior with a man…right?

It’s caused a lot of these problems… right?

If you cut these traits or qualities out of the way you are in a relationship with a man, then things will be better… right?

WRONG.

What if the problems that come up in your negative pattern are caused by these traits?

And what if the traits in your negative pattern didn’t represent just your personal WEAKNESSES?

What if they ALSO represented your personal STRENGTHS at the same time?

If you were thinking that you should get rid of the trait or quality entirely that’s involved in your negative pattern so that things will work better in the future… then you’re going to that place of “All-or-Nothing Thinking.”

Talk about throwing out the baby with the bath water.

Over the years I’ve recognized that there’s a fascinating mistake TONS of people make in relationships, in business, and in every aspect of life…

When something isn’t working and they want to fix a problem, they don’t look at the entire “system” around them.

Instead, they focus their attention on the “symptoms” they see, in isolation.

Some people complain about “Western Medicine” having the same shortcoming. That it only addresses symptoms, instead of taking a “holistic” approach to how everything works together.

Anyway… when a person is trying to fix a problem in a relationship, by not seeing the entire “system” going on around them, they can’t see how all the elements are inter-connected.

So, when they go to make a change, they think they can change what’s related to the symptoms and everything will work better.

This is like thinking blowing your nose will cure a cold.

What’s worse, often times the things that people change not only don’t work to fix the problem…

But ends up making things WORSE by affecting all the other related and inter-connected things that WERE WORKING.

Talk about COUNTERPRODUCTIVE.

Don’t start solving problems and changing your relationship when you can only see the “symptoms.”

There’s a better way.

You need to start looking at the whole “system” of how you and a man connect and communicate in your relationship.

You need to develop your own “holistic” approach.

Then you’ll have the PERSPECTIVE to make choices and take action that will bring more connection and understanding into your life.

So how can you start to see your own relationship with a man as the “system” that it is?

And how can you avoid the dead end strategy of trying to cover up the “symptoms”?

Here’s a step towards this that you can take RIGHT NOW…

I’m going to get you out of the habit of using your destructive “All-or-Nothing Thinking.”

I want you to look at your trait or traits again that were your own WEAKNESSES in your negative relationship pattern.

Now I want you to try something that might seem strange at first.

I want you to identify at least one way in which your trait or habit in your negative relationship pattern is also a STRENGTH.

I’ll give you a minute to see how the very trait that you just identified as a WEAKNESS is also a STRENGTH.

I want you to write the STRENGTH down right now next to the pattern it’s associated with.

Go ahead. I’ll give you a few minutes.

…

…

…

OK, good.

There’s a lot of power and AWARENESS created in what you just did when you think about it – IF you stay aware of this when you’re interacting with a man in your relationship.

When you see how your WEAKNESSES, that you’ve been giving yourself a hard time about and trying to figure out how to get rid of, are also part of your STRENGTHS… things you never could have understood will start to become clear to you.

Challenges, issues, attitudes, and hurtful things that a man brings to you that relate to your patterns, will start to look differently to you…

And you’ll start to have an amazing sense of CLARITY about what’s the best thing to do for you, for him, and for your relationship.

A “STRANGE TRUTH” ABOUT THE PEOPLE AND RELATIONSHIPS YOU ATTRACT IN LIFE AND LOVE

You’ve got some basic tools to work with now to understand more about what’s going on with you and your relationship.

But it really only starts here.

Are you CLEAR on how these 2 patterns come up in your life?

Do you know how to avoid “All or Nothing Thinking” the next time it comes up and tries tocreate DISTANCE between you and a man?

Do you know where these thoughts come from and what to do to stay conscious and overcome the negative aspects of your other destructive relationship patterns?

Do you know how to guide a man to start doing these same things to improve HIMSELF and the way he is in your relationship, so you don’t have to try and convince him of what’s going on that he can’t see or isn’t paying attention to?

Most women who aren’t in a happy, healthy, loving, lasting relationship don’t have this knowledge and the ability to stay connected with a man that comes along with it.

The strange truth is, patterns aren’t just coincidences in your life.

They keep repeating in your life for a reason.

What are the lessons that keep coming up for you in your love life that you can’t learn from where you are today, but keep coming at you?

The reality is that you have a choice…

You can keep repeating these patterns, and experiencing the pain and frustration that comes with them again and again…

This is the “easy” choice that doesn’t ask or require you to learn and grow at all.

OR…

You can create a “shift” in your life.

You can choose to have more AWARENESS and more GROWTH… which will of course bring new ways of seeing things, and best of all, NEW RESULTS in your relationship.

The choice is yours right now.

There’s a reason why most men pull away and sabotage perfectly good, loving relationships with women.

And there’s a reason why YOUR FEARS are only making these things with a man WORSE.

There are clear steps that you can take to change your love life and relationship, no matter where you are right now with a man.

Shifting your PERSPECTIVE and becoming MORE CONSCIOUS is your first step… some of which we’ve touched on here.

You can stop the unnecessary PATTERNS.

You can come to terms with, and understand, the FEARS.

And you can find out, once and for all, why it is that men so often put up RESISTANCE to becomingmore connected, closer and MORE COMMITTED with YOU on a physical and emotional level.

Don’t let go of this opportunity to have LASTING CHANGE and IMPROVEMENT to the quality of your love life and all your relationships.

If you still haven’t read my Catch Him & Keep Him eBook, you need to do that NOW.

It’s a no-brainer and will quickly have you “in the know” on all kinds of stuff that used to drive you crazy trying to understand about men.

Things like:

-Why some men shy away from commitment, even if things are great… and what to do about it (page 241)

-How men approach “dating”, why it seems like some men want to casually date forever (page 94)

-When and how to have “the talk” with a man, and how to have him even more excited about your future afterwards (p. 247)

Make this the year you finally know what it’s like to have a fun, loving and secure relationship by discovering how to find the right man and make love last.

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I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter